Aaron in South Africa

New Blog

2011-11-26T13:44:00.001-08:00

For anyone who is interested that might be reading this, I started another blog. It is personal and has very little to directly do with the initial purpose of this blog, i.e. South Africa. But feel free to read along with my life if you want: aaronasmundson.wordpress.com

Influence, Mattering, and Remembering

2011-07-22T13:07:00.001-07:00

I found out today that someone I knew in college died. At the same time, I have been attending for the past few days a leadership symposium. These two things have really got me thinking so I am using this space, public as it may be, to sort out my thoughts. (in fact, I left the symposium early to try and write this down.)

Tracy Riddle was a very influential person for me while I was in college. I am not really even sure what her exact role was any more (Dean of Students? Director of Residence Life?), but its not her role that made her important. It was the style of person she was, someone who helped me immensely during a very difficult and confusing time in my life. Tracy, be setting an example, influenced my career choice to go into Student Affairs. And I have been left today, 11 years into my own Student Affairs career, wondering why. And think I've come up with a few answers.

College was rough for me. Sure, I had fun. And I made great friends. I even got pretty good grades. But it was rough to come out at a place and time when no one else was really out. I was struggling deeply emotionally, more than anyone knew, and this was compounded even more after my mother died sophomore year. I could have easily gone a different route and quietly faded away to try to find something easier and more of an escape from my own demons. But I didn't because I had people in my life who taught me to believe that I matter, that what I have to say is important, that I have skills that are needed to make things happen, that I have just as much chance to succeed and be happy as the next person no matter who I am. Tracy was one of these people who taught me this. A key figure, actually.

I ran into Tracy over the years at professional conferences and--though it was probably only subconsciously at the time--was always very excited to see her and show her what I was up to. That I had followed in her footsteps, that her mentoring and guidance made that happen.

I learned at lunch today that Tracy died. Immediately following, I went into the final session for the symposium I was attending. During this panel discussion, several panelists were offering how they got involved in the paths of leadership education that they chose. The word "influence" came up often. And as I thought about it for myself, I got involved in leadership education in the hopes that I could maybe just maybe show someone else out there that they matter too, that they have power, that they can make a difference...no matter who they might be. The way that people like Tracy showed me.

What a true tribute and memorial to Tracy! To sit there and think about how, as I learned that her life had ended I was also being shown just how important her living her life the way she had is helping me to live my own in a more meaningful way.

In fact, over the past few days I have surmised a clearer understanding of what I believe leadership to be: not just the ability to influence or make a difference (which is pretty much what I would have said before) but also to help others realize that they have the ability to influence and make a difference, too. In very meaningful ways. No matter who they are.

So thanks, Tracy. For your influence. I will cherish that like a found treasure.

Self Acceptance

2011-06-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

I am currently really enjoying Lady Gaga's song "Hair." In particular, this one lyric stands out: "I don't wanna change, and I don't wanna be ashamed." It's basically the same idea of her entire song "Born This Way." I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way.

I was at a gathering last night where the main topic of conversation was Self-Acceptance. People's comments centered around a reading which asserts the notion that the key to peace, happiness, serenity is to accept life on life's terms and work to change what is able to be changed by first taking an honest look at what is what, the truth.

While I completely agree with this idea, and I can see how it works in my own life in immensely positive ways, as the conversation went on I felt myself getting increasingly frustrated and frankly really really judgemental and annoyed with those I was listening to. Now, that's my issue and not their issue for sure, but a few thoughts kept going through my head that agitated me.

First, what exactly is so awful about our lives and our selves that we have to really focus on accepting them? We have so much, so many resources that make our lives pretty darn good. It seems like a topic of conversation than begs a focus on the negative and neglecting the positive. How about accepting the things that are going well and the attributes that I see as great in myself? What about those? It seems like that would be more of an optimistic focus.

Yesterday was my birthday, so I was particularly reflective of what the past year has brought. During my year on earth of being 34 years old, I:
--Went to South Africa (twice)
--Traveled to Costa Rica
--Went to Colorado three times to hang out with my niece and nephew that I adore and they seem to enjoy our time, as well
--Vacationed in Miami with friends and spent a great time at Duke University with co-workers
--In addition to great travel, I gained and continued a loving relationship with Eric
--I have a job that challenges and fulfills me.
--I increased the amount of service opportunities that I do, giving back more than I have ever in the past
--Celebrated 2 years of sobriety
--Have a cute somewhat well-behaved dog that is a great companion
--Etc. Etc. Etc.

...so what exactly again do I have to complain about? What is so awful about my life that I need to really really focus on how to accept it as is? Sure, the other people in the meeting aren't me, but I also know that I am not unique enough to be the only person in the room who has great things going for them and wonderful experiences recently shared. But, the conversation never focused on accepting and looking at the wonderful things that we have, it mostly dwelled on the negative. This is wrong. That is wrong. I don't like this about myself. Life is hard.

Sure, maybe life is hard, and who I am to judge for anyone out there that it isn't. But I go back to my perspective gained from the people I met in South Africa. Do you have running water? Do you share an outhouse with 10 other families as your only bathroom? Do you have a job? Oh, a place to live, too? And it has a floor that isn't dirt? Fabulous. So what is it that was so awful about you or your life that you needed to focus on how to accept it?

Secondly, I really began to wonder whether everyone should focus on accepting life as it is as a start to improving it. Even writing that sounds ridiculous, but let me try to sort through my thoughts. I go back to the mindset discussion we had in Guguletu: the notion that there is still a mindset among black South Africans that they are inferior, a self-fulfilling prophecy to not get a good education, find a career, or whatever else could keep somebody down just from feeling that "less than others" is what they deserve.

Actually, I can kinda relate to this and see where it is coming from. Growing up, i didn't hear any positive messages about what being gay was like. And I knew fairly young that I was indeed gay. I had the mindset that if I were to ever come out and live life as a gay person, that it meant I was accepting a life that was somewhat less fulfilling or respectable than that of a heterosexual person. Even after moving to Minneapolis as a young adult, I can vividly recall driving by a big house near Lake Harriet and it was flying a rainbow flag out front. I remember being very surprised because in my mind gay people weren't rich or successful and could therefore never afford a house like that. I shocked myself because I could finally see what kind of beliefs were really ingrained in me: that I was less than other people.

It's really sad to read that now. How could I think that? How can anyone think they are less than? It's infuriating that somewhat should accept themselves as less than anyone else for any reason much less one that is out of there control. So, this is where the lesson of self-acceptance becomes a tough one to take. What if your view of self is so negative or so badly socially constructed that truly and honestly accepting that view means accepting a life less than you deserve? What if you don't know any better?

The lesson that I have learned in recovery around self-acceptance is that only by honestly accepting life as it is can we change it for the better. It is only then that we can clearly see who we really are and where we are really at. And, here's the really importance piece, no matter who you are, where you're at, what you have or don't have: YOU ARE JUST AS LOVED AND LOVABLE AS ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. Today, we are all exactly enough. It's the idea of faith: I believe in a loving God that gives me exactly everything I need to get through the day in a way that is useful, that I can be of service to others, and that I can stay healthy. Even if I don't see it, even if I doubt it, I truly believe that.

So, faith is the answer. I'm obviously still rattled by my South African experiences, but I have faith that I will find meaning from them and put them to good use for myself and others.

Sad Stories

2011-06-15T19:45:00.001-07:00

So I'm back in Minneapolis. Physically anyhow. Not sure about mentally.

I was at lunch today with Eric and, being the nice and wonderful person he is, he told me that he wants to hear about my experience as much and as often as I want to talk about it. I'm not sure how I chose what to start with, but I spent the rest of the lunch talking about some of the disturbing trends around addiction and alcoholism that we learned about in the township. For example, the level of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in South Africa is one of the highest in the world. There are also alarming stories and statistics about how this contributes to issues of violence, abuse, incest, and rape.

I then went on to talk about a story we learned about one of the children at Rainbow House, a home for kids who have been removed from their families that we visited late last week. It was the story of a girl who had been living for the last 20 months with a registered pedophile. In his bed. The man had offered the girl and her father a place to stay in an affluent neighborhood. I'm sure the allure there outweighed the idea of being homeless or living in a shack somewhere hungry and desperate for food. But how in the hell does a registered pedophile end up with a child sleeping with him? For almost two years? The Man's brother eventually caught on and alerted the authorities. Now the girl is in a safe place except for the fact that the man showed up at the door asking to see her. The house is unlisted and it is unknown how he would have gotten the info. This is especially alarming since the girl walks to school each day.

And then there were the stories of children who leave places like Rainbow House when they are 18 with literally nothing but what they have at the time. Many of these children have no resources to get going and end up doing things like survival sex (having sex to make money to eat, live, etc) because they think that all they have to give is their body.

For a good 20 minutes or more at lunch I unloaded these tales onto Eric. Without even realizing i was doing it. So much for casual lunch conversation over our Chinese lunch combinations huh?

Honestly, I had no interest in telling him anything other than these stories. And if you came up and asked me to share about my trip I'd probably want to do the same with you. I don't want to talk about the penguins or baboons, or the food, or the scenery, or any of that stuff. I want to talk to you about HIV and disease and poverty and rape and other tragic things.

I've been left wondering today why that is. Like most things with this trip, I'm not sure I've reached any good conclusions. The best one I've come up with are two things:
1) I am so afraid of forgetting about what i experienced. Like these impacting things--these sad stories--will wash away as the days go by and I won't remember how affected I am by them
2) I want other people i know to hear about them who may not have had such experiences because I want them AND ME to think for a second about how privileged and healthy and resourceful and,well, easy are lives really are.

I told Eric that if I hear someone around me (including myself) complaining about anything here I would likely want to tell them to...well, I wouldn't handle it very well. To put it nicely.

And, thinking about it a bit more, and as I've alluded to all along in these blogs, I want to do something with this information. For example, Eric and i were discussing how I didn't hear of or know of any AA or NA meetings in the townships even though the rates of addiction are so high. How possible would it be to try and start one? Could I do that from here? How can people reover from these things if the don't have the resources to do so? The message of strength and hope that I've been given?

So this is a glimpse into where I'm at one day back home. I dont mean for this diatribe to come across as self-righteous or rude. Im just being honest about where i am at. I actually didn't really plan on writing anymore in this blog, but I needed an outlet to sort out some of what is in my head and this seemed like a good place to do it. Thanks for listening.

And it comes to an end

2011-06-12T12:53:00.001-07:00

Really? It's over? Wow.

I just returned to my guest house from dropping the students at the airport. I saw them through til each had passed security so any parents reading this I can let you know that they made it to the plane alright. I will be following them tomorrow night. I have 24 hours left in Cape Town.

I am in disbelief that this all went by so quickly. If I can get deeply personal for a minute I'd like to reflect on why this trip is so important to me. Some people may be thinking that its just a trip. No biggie. And in some ways it is no different from any other short term excursion thousands of college students take every year.

I collaborated with a good friend to brainstorm this idea about 4 years ago. At the time it was something we wanted to do together, but as a new mom it would've been impossible for her to do so I continued to plan on my own. I took a week long trip here with a friend to check it out and I was deeply moved and affected by my experience. I talked it up with students and in may of 2008, 17 leadership minor students joined me for the first trip.

We had an amazing experience. Each of us was shaken in ways we didn't know we could be by the community and the people we met. Many of those first students are off all around the world now doing really cool things and I like to think that their experience here was part of that.

Here's the deeply personal part, but it's not something I am ashamed of so I don't mind sharing it. I was struggling with some of my own demons around addiction during this time, and I consider my trip to South Africa with the students to be the beginning of a turning point. I saw who I wanted to be a bit more and i didn't like my reality of my day to day life and who I was becoming. My time here that year was the most peaceful I'd felt in years. It took me 9 more months to finally ask for help, but the trip here in 2008 is a direct reason for that. I don't know if I really realized that til I came back here this time.

A second group of students came in may of 2009. Because of being newly in recovery and trying to take care of myself, I didn't join them. My friend and colleague Christen went with them in my place. Not being able to go with them and be part of their experience is one of the biggest regrets i have about my struggle with addiction.

As I have continued in recovery, working in twelve step groups, and finding a new spirituality and faith, I have ALWAYS had my sights set on getting back here. For several reasons I guess, but mostly because I knew that this place moves me and opens my eyes in ways that nothing ever has before.

But my doubts always crept in. Am I strong enough? What if it's too much for me? What if I have changed and this isn't right? What I'm not equipped to lead these students? All the damn what ifs. I hate the what ifs. It's always fear making decisions for me.

So, as I sit here now with the students on their way home, me tomorrow, having had a great experience all around, I find myself dizzy and honestly a little nauseous. Sure, I may feel that way for a lot of reasons, but I think it is at least in part because I have waited for this moment for a long time. And here it is.

Living life in recovery, it has been important to take note of doing the things in life that I never thought I could do. I never thought I could stay sober. For years, I had talked myself out of doing certain things because I didn't feel right, or enough, or strong, or whatever. And now I sit on the other side of an experience that is so meaningful to me, and it went well. Everyone got much from it. And i did it all living a new kind of life i didn't think possible.

In a way, too, I am sad because it was such a sight on my radar for a few years. What do I do now? This is a question that the students have been asking themselves a lot, and I am in the exact same boat. On so many levels and in so many ways, how do I move on from this experience and continue to the best of my ability to live a life of meaning?

New endeavors to explore, relationships to mold, goals to achieve, challenges to overcome. And it all just seems a little bit more possible than it did before. That, for sure, is a blessing.

Graduation Day

2011-06-10T11:29:00.001-07:00

Fittingly, today was graduation day at the University of Cape Town. Today was also our last day of lecture during our time here, so in a way it was our graduation too. It was quite nice to see graduates walking around campus with their cap and gowns, proud families smiling on and taking pictures. It felt very familiar.

We had a wonderful discussion about citizen leadership. Again, I think the students will cover it nicely in their blogs, but it was a great note to end on: how can we, as normal everyday citizens, be better leaders in our own communities based on what we've experienced here? It was great to hear some of their goals. One that was consistent among almost every person was to stay more up to date on the news and what is happening in the world.

I also had the students do an evaluation of the outcomes they have gained in regards to global leadership in this class. They filled out this same evaluation on the second day of our lectures, the first Thursday we were here 15 days ago. One of the Ooen ended questions asked on the first eval was "what do you think is the importance or role of a community based on your current and past experiences?" and then on the eval today was the question "what are your insights about the role of a community as a result of your experience?"

One of the students answered the first question with this: "Communities bring people close on deeper levels. Plays a large role in how much one can learn and thrive. Stronger and better the community, the more one can learn and thrive."
The same students answered the second question with this: "Strongest aspect of life. When you are part of something bigger than yourself your life seems to have so much meaning. Community offers support, guidance, love, and acceptance. Who wouldn't want to feel that way?"

Many of the other answers were very similar to this. What I take away from comparing the two, with only 15 days between them, is the passion and emotion behind the second one. And the conviction. Like the necessity behind the thoughts. I am happy to know that so much learning and insight can happen in such a short amount of time. It's been exhausting, emotional, difficult, but it has been so so so rewarding, heartwarming and empowering.

Less? More? Never Keep Score.

2011-06-09T11:15:00.001-07:00

You may have noticed that I really haven't been interested in giving a day by day account of what we have been up to. I have been more interested in sharing the topics on my head in relation to my time here. Not necessarily linear in manner, but just as they bubble up. If you are interested in what we have been up to (such as a wine excursion day, Robben island, a food bank tour, as well as all of the events of our week in Gugs) the student blogs do a great job of sharing those experiences.

We are definitely starting to wind down our trip. Tomorrow is the last day of our actual class time. We then have a few more small excursions tomorrow afternoon, some of the students are going diving with sharks on saturday, then they are off the airport on Sunday and I leave on Monday. The time has really flown by.

This morning I felt like we were able to really make some headway on figuring out some leadership lessons from our experiences. I think the students will be blogging about that, as well. It was a great discussion and they did a great job of pushing their thinking and ideas in regards to who they are and what they believe as leaders.

One of the most enjoyable things about my job is that it is a relief to see young people who are so interested in the world around them and making it a better places through their own efforts. I sometimes get discouraged when I see all the things happening around me that piss me off, sadden me, or just disturb me for being wrong for whatever reason. And these students who want to learn about leadership can turn that around for me. I like to know my world is taken care of, and it certainly is in the hands of these learner.

Some of us went to Monkeybiz today to do a little gift buying, and there was a poster on the wall with a poem on it. The last two lines were this:

There are lessons in life you live
And others you simply learn.
My lesson is that the best gifts,
Are those that give back in return.

In this world we also learn
Some people have less,
Some people have more.
The most important lesson though,
Is to never keep score.

I really think it sums up this trip and this course very well. We have lived a lot over the short time we have been here. And we are certainly learning a lot, as well.

I also know that one of the huge blessings of an experience such as this one is that I receive so much from being here that I think helps me to be a stronger, more selfless, more giving person. Even if in little ways. I hope that is true.

And the last stanza is what I really take away. What is important is not what I "have" in comparison to others. I don't need to place value on being more than or less than in any way. The minute I size people up against each other is the minute I denigrate someone and falsely pride someone else. And it just isn't necessary. I have learned lessons about community that tell me that I need my neighbors just as much as they need me. We must work together. As Spiwo said in his sermon at church, the day I don't need to borrow a cup of sugar from my neighbors is a sad day indeed.

So I guess this post is about lessons I've learned. Or maybe they're all about that? I really don't think about what I'm going to write until I sit down and write it on most occasions. I think I am simply desperately trying to hold onto my experiences and learn from them because I fear that i will forget them quickly and I don't want to. I don't want to forget Lindile, Mama Titi, lessons about presence, understanding more about my identity, getting over fear and finding courage, learning to be vulnerable again. These are but a few of the gifts I have been given back from the communities here.

Grateful.

More Will Be Revealed

2011-06-08T12:04:00.001-07:00

I just got off of Skype call with Eric and this phrase came up and it stuck out in my mind as perhaps a good headline for where things are at right now: more will be revealed.

I have been talking with the students and many of us feel right now as if we are in a holding pattern and aren't necessarily sure what to make of, think, or do with the information we have from our experiences. Considering many of the things we did and witnessed last week, I think we all want them to have a huge impact on our lives, but here we are in Cape Town for a few more days and the anticipation of what that all means back home is starting to grow.

I was chatting with Chelsey earlier and we were talking about how it's difficult to really even identify some of the feelings or emotions that go along with everything here. And how do you figure that out? I mean, I don't think you can really force and epiphany or an awakening of some sort.

I believe that you simply have to be open to the idea. And let it reveal itself. This has worked in other meaningful ways in my life in the past and present. Just as I think that something is strange, confusing, too much, too little, too difficult, too whatever, more is revealed. And suddenly a little relief occurs and a little learning and action can take place.

I go back to the hospice visit with Lindile, for example. Like i said in my post about him, I have no idea what to do with our visit to him. I desperately want it to mean something because it had such an impact on me, but what?

I have faith that someday I'll know. By doing so, I don't forget about Lindile. I don't try and push him out of my mind. I remember him. Because I believe that within my own sphere of influence and relationships and power, I can do something positive what I've seen. Even if I don't understand it all yet.

More will be revealed. This is a difficult concept to use in a class setting. We design classes to have immediate outcomes and tangibilities. How do you tell a group of 15 students that maybe hopefully someday you'll be able to do something with all of the emotional things we have been part of? We spent a good chunk of our four hours of class today just trying to find a way to move forward.

It is rather recent for me to be a person with a strong faith. But I am. Because faith has made me stronger and healthier. Sometimes I don't necessarily understand how or why, but that's ok. Because more will be revealed.

More White People?!

2011-06-07T11:18:00.001-07:00

Let's face it. You can't come to an area with a history such as South Africa's and not think about race. It would seem that everything somehow comes back to the color of peoples' skin. But it's still an uneasy topic to discuss. I think it's common to talk about it in a general sense like when we talk about the collective whole and issues with race: the "we" and the "they". But, and I I'll only speak for myself here, I don't often talk about my own race. How does my racial identity fit into this picture?

I think that every person at some point in their life should have the experience of being the racial minority if that isn't your everyday routine. I remember when I went to Japan in college it was so eye opening for me. Learning what it's like to be the one who looks different, talks different, Is shorter or taller than most others, etc etc. This is exactly the experience I have in Guguletu. We are often the only white people in sight: at church, walking down the street, wherever. Kelsey relayed a story how at her first night of her home stay, a friend of her hosts stopped by, saw who was there, and commented "more white people?!"

Sure, it's meant sarcastically and with humor. But being white feels like it can have a lot of implications (not to mention being American...but that's a whole other blog post).

One conversation in particular plays over and over in my mind. At my home stay, we were talking with mama Titi and sisi Mamela and somehow it came up that the schoolchildren at Titi's school she teaches at will run up and hug the white teachers at a school they often visit but seem to be afraid or less likely to do so with their regular black teachers. When asked about her experience, Mamela said that she would be more likely to take orders from a white person than a black person of the same rank in a work setting. Then, the opinion was offered that the children would maybe learn better if they were taught by a white teacher.

Huh. Interesting.

That's exactly what I said because i was completely surprised by these opinions. I have a ton of love and respect for my Guguletu family and I was just a bit shocked.

This came up again in a broader context in our Friday conversation with Spiwo where we talked a lot about "mindset" being an obstacle to postive change in South Africa. In particular, the mindset that blacks are not equal to whites. That they are less than. When I think about it, it's not exactly surprising that this mindset might be so prevalent. Apartheid laws put in place that blacks were only to learn to a certain level that would allow then to work in supporting roles for their white bosses. History classes taught to blacks told them that they only belonged in certain parts of their country. Their "native" areas. They were taught in Afrikaans, the oppersor's language.

This started in the 1950s so an entire generation and then some was taught this way. This "mindset" that people DESERVE a certain level of education, power, wealth, status. The fight to change this was long, brutal, and horribly violent. Given all of that, well, again, I just don't know what to do with that information just yet.

Is it going away? I hope so. We were surrounded by many people who are successful and living a good life regardless of their race, like Titi and Mamela. But then there are the thousands and thousands of tiny shacks and the sick and dying and the hungry and the poor. And most of those people are black.

Cat has been really good at talking with people we meet and telling them about our week in Gugs. She has made instant bonds with the black people she has talked to about this. Because white people don't go where we went very much if at all. In fact, I have been told that white people just go to their suburbs and try to forget that the townships are even there.

So what does this mean for me? Good question. As a white person in the majority my entire life, I haven't been required to think at all or act at all on fighting for a better "mindset" for my race. But I have learned enough of my friends and family in Guguletu that I don't want them to either. And I certainly don't want to be seen as a better, well, ANYTHING because of the color of my skin.

So how does one like me become a part of the solution rather than sustaining the problem? I'm going to have to sit on that for a while. But this dialogue I just had with myself is hopefully a good jumping off point. I know one thing: as long as I am able, I'll continue to bring myself and whoever will come with me to Guguletu to live, love, and laugh in this community that is so rich in so many ways. Maybe I can't change everybody's mindset, but I can certainly change my own...and hopefully a few of those that join me.

Tuesday: Guilt vs. Gratitude

2011-06-05T13:13:00.001-07:00

Tuesday of this past week was food parcel day at the JL Zwane center. There was a lot of build up to this day as the students worked very hard and many friends and family donated to make the day possible.

I think about every emotion possible happened during the food parcel day. It started out very fun. Unloading all of the food from the first truck was a great team building and bonding exercise. Waiting for the second truck was an exercise in frustration as it was promised to be on its way and took over an hour and a half to actually arrive. And then there were the feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger.

The students had asked for daily tasks to challenge them. So the task I gave them for this day was to meet and talk to at least one person who was waiting for a food parcel. Get to know their story, who they are, why they're here. Many succeeded at the task, met some great people, and heard a lot of things that were difficult to hear. After all, you don't end up waiting for three or four hours for your named to be called for a food parcel if you're not in need.

Before handing out the parcels, Spiwo called all of those waiting onto the stage in the church and many others waiting around the sides of the room and the back. He said some words, and after him one of the recipients spoke to us and thanked us. I was tearing up and on the verge of a good cry when Spiwo then called me up to the podium to say a few words. I was determined not to cry in front of an entire room, so I kind of swallowed up my emotions and let those there know that our contribution to them was a merely a small thank you in return for all of the wonderful gifts we receive from being part of their community for a week.

Then, we started handing out the food parcels. It was pretty rough for many of us as we saw people one by one come up and get their food with a few people helping them carry it out. Many were old and frail, many were from the HIV support group, and others were orphans. Some were very grateful for our help. Others just wanted to get out of there. It was difficult to know how to react to all of this.

Then, in the middle of this came our lunch time. Man was that an awkward decision to make. Do we keep working until everyone is done and wait to eat which could be like 3 or 4 in the afternoon, or do we take a break and eat our fantasticly prepared meal while these people who are dire need of food wait for us to finish? At first I couldnt possibly see a way to stop and take a lunch break, but many of our hosts were urging us to, and the students had been working really hard for several hours. It was only when we were assured there were other volunteers who could keep working while we ate that I felt ok with us eating lunch. Many of the students were uncomfortable with this decision and I don't blame them one bit.

Later in the afternoon once the last parcels had been handed out or stowed away for those who did not show up, I was sitting and talking with Brian, one of my students. The topic of guilt came up. How it is very easy to feel guilty for the things that we have that others do not, to feel guilty that we stopped to eat a big meal while others who are very hungry waited outside. Guilty that we get to leae Guguletu after a week and return to all of our creature comforts. Who good does this guilt do?

I'm not arguing at all that we shouldn't feel guilty about these things, but I would argue that guilt unattended to is rather useless. I can learn a lot from my guilt. But if I get lost in my guilt it can do a couple of different things. It can turn to shame which is just toxic. It can become self pity which in the current scenario seems utterly unnecessary. It's always unnecessary actually.

What I told Brian is that I like to turn guilt on it's head and think instead about gratitude. What am I grateful for today? Like many people in recovery programs, I often make gratitude lists. In fact, I do one in my head every night when I go to bed. If I am grateful for what I have, I can more easily get out of my obsession with my own needs and wants and feeling and instead focus on what I can do for others. I don't feel guilty that I took a lunch break during our food parcel day, but I do feel grateful about the opportunity to do so. And I am grateful that I have the ability to help, if in just a small way for one day, to feed 250 families.

There are many little inspirational sentences written on the walls at the center. One of them says "Called to serve and to make a meaningful difference." I am grateful that I have been given the opportunity to try to figure out how to live up to this sentence to the best of my ability. And I appreciate the JL Zwane center and all it's people, the community of Guguletu, and my students for reminding me to do so.

What is my role?

2011-06-05T08:52:00.001-07:00

I mean this question on a lot of different levels. It's a question that has been on my mind a lot the past week.

First, what is my role with this group of students I have here with me? Obviously, I am their instructor, but what does that mean? On Wednesday while we were in Guguletu this question weighed heavily on my mind. Wednesday was the day when many were upset about how we seemed to be using the people we were visiting and others were upset about some of the group dynamics that were playing out at the time. If I'm being perfectly honest, there's a part of me that takes those kinds of feelings very personally. As if I should somehow have either prevented those negative feelings in the first place or should immediately be able to provide an answer to remedy them. I think I even tried with a small group of them on Wednesday afternoon and then I realized that maybe I just need to get out of the way. Taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture, I cannot navigate anyone's experience for them. They can choose to take in the information we have however they want to. I certainly want to be supportive of their learning process and make sure they take some good lessons away from their experiences, but i don't think I can just dictate what those exact lessons will be. Which is the other question that I wrestle with in regards to the students: how much do I tell them or guide them based on my own knowledge and how much do I let them figure out for themselves? There are no easy answers to these questions. Or if there are, I don't know them.

Second, what is my role as a somewhat regular visitor to JL Zwane and Gugs? Having been here several times now, I began thinking on this trip that I should be contributing to this community in some sort of more consistent and calculated way. But maybe the classes I bring is my contribution? But maybe there needs to be something more tangible than that? I have no idea what that would be though.

Which relates to a third way this question comes out: what is my role with the information I am taking away from these experiences? How can I make it useful moving forward? I put this question to the students, as well: their final project for the class is to "do something" with what they've learned. Sounds vague I know, but what I mean is that they put the information they have into action....not just sit and reflect. I am a firm believer that we did little good here if all we do is swoop in for a week or two, say thanks that was fun and interesting, and then swoop out and move on our way. We can make a difference with the education we have, but how?

We have been warned many times about the visitor who comes to the townships and promises a bunch of things based on their emotional experience and then never follows through. So I find myself hesitant to say I will do anything, but that isn't the correct way either. What is that hesitation about? Hw do you get rid of it?

So these are some of the questions I sit and wrestle with today. Today has been our free day and I am feeling a little under the weather: a sore throat, stuffy nose, etc. I think it's my body's way of saying shut up and slow down a little bit perhaps. So luckily today i have been able to relax, nap, and I'm currently watching the French Open Men's tennis final.

Thanks for listening.

Wednesday: Presence....simply being there

2011-06-04T10:33:00.001-07:00

So I think i have my wits about me a little bit better than when I wrote the two blog posts yesterday. It is so hard to describe this experience in a way that I feel is sufficient. Yesterday I was filled with emotion, a little exhaustion, and confusion. Those things are all still there but a pretty restful day has helped. However, rather than write about what we did today I'd rather share some more stories with you from the week.

One way that this trip is different (and way more intense) is that we spent much more time out in the community in people's homes and at organizations than in times before, hearing more stories, interacting and witnessing what life is like for those living in the townships. Wednesday was a good example of this. While we had three visits on our schedule (a primary school, Priscilla's home, and Mary's home) we ended up going to five total places. It was the two unschedule ones that, for me at least, made the most impact and caused a stir in our group.

The first of the unscheduled visits was to a family whom I don't even know their names. The mother and daughter have both been partially paralyzed from illness and a son also lives with them to help out. They live in a hostel. Hostels in the township aren't like what hostels are commonly known as. Instead of a place to stay cheaply on your backpacking trip through the country, they are buildings that were initially utilized by transient workers who had come to the townships from rural areas to do work. Almost always men leaving families behind. Now they are rooms to rent, an alternative to a shack in the township.

The hostel room that these three were living in is half the size of my bedroom at home. There's a bed, a closet with broken doors, a hot plate to cook and a few other things. For three people. There is no running water. People were fetching running water form bend the building while we were there.

Many students in the group had a hard time with these visits and particularly this one and were angry about it. Some felt as if we were invading their space and treating them like a visit to a zoo. Just barging into their little room to take a few pictures and then be on our way. It's an argument worth considering.

After this stop, we went to see Lydia. Lydia has met past students on other trips and she is such a strong women with such a difficult life story. She has been HIV positive since 1991. She denied her status for a long time until after her son Neo was born. Neo was born HIV positive. He also has issues with his lungs and can get sick very easily or collapse unexpectedly. Because of this, he often stays home from school at the first sign of sickness. Lydia was forced by her family to live in a shack behind their house because of her status. I addition, she has battled breast cancer including having a breast removed and severe depression. Her son is consistently in and out of the hospital and has exceeded all doctors' expectations of how long he would live.

Hearing lydia's story makes me cry. It does every time I've heard her tell it. She told us this story as we were all crammed into her small bedroom, filling the entire place. At the end of the story, she told us "thank you for listening to me."

Thank you for listening to me.

Earlier in the day, during a conversation with Fundiswa, our host and one of the leaders at JL Zwane, about the gift of presence. Spiwo expanded on this idea on Friday when he said that the African worldview isn't about the exchange or acquisition of materials but instead about offering self. Fundiswa went on to say that plunging into people's lives is what keeps her fulfilled during the day.

So we were left with this spectrum of what to make of our time with these people: are we invaders of sorts taking up lots of space, causing unneeded attention, and just getting in the way? Or are we people who can actively listen to the stories of people who are battling a difficult life and offer our selves to them?

This is a distinct cultural difference between myself and our hosts that I have wrestled with, and I would like to take some knowledge from them with me: even if I have nothing to give, even if I feel helpless to a situation, even if I am unsure of my place or role or purpose, I can give myself. I can be present to someone else. I can put my everything into them even if just for a little while.

And here's the thing about it: if I do so, I will receive so much in return. By listening to Lydia and offering empathy, I gain something to. I gain gratitude, I can understand a little bit more what it means to not be so centered on myself, I can learn from her story.

Time and time again, the people in Gugs teach me so much. They challenge me to be a more authentic person, a more open person, and more loving person. Such great gifts to receive in return for simply trying to give my Self.

Friday: "Our Hope"

2011-06-03T10:17:00.001-07:00

If Lindile's visit was the most distressing and disturbing part of our week, then our visit today to Tembaletu was one of the highlights for me. I feel the need to share both as I need to hear myself talk about the hope.

I've been to Tembaletu before. Tembaletu is a school for physically handicapped children. It is the only school of it's kind in the entire Western Cape meaning it is the only school for township children that caters to their disabilities. There are grades kindergarten through 9. After 9, those that are capable are put into typical schools. Thee principal today proudly told us that many of their graduates have gone on to be IT professionals, social workers, and other successful professionals.

In 2008, i took the first group of students to Tembaletu. At that time, it was to do a few service projects: clean up glass on the basketball court, do craft projects with the kids, and we bought a few grass cutters so that the lawn on the young kids' playground could be mowed and the it could be used again by the kids in wheelchairs and walkers.

As we toured the school today with one of the teachers I had met on the last visit, we walked by this playground. I immediately lit up because it was pristine and beautiful. It looked exactly as a playground should: clean, vibrant, filled with stuff for kids to enjoy. The teacher then turned to me and told me that they still use the grass cutters we bought.

We continued a tour of the grounds and saw well lit, warm, and clean rooms. The speech therapist showed us their lab with many equipment pieces to help the kids type and learn who wouldn't be able to do otherwise. They pointed out the window to the hostels being built for the students who have too far of a distance to travel. Starting in July (on Mandela's birthday) they will be able to live on site and make it to school free of charge and without hours of commute by bus.

We didn't have nearly as much time there as I would have liked, but as we were leaving, the choir sang for is. It was beautiful: children of all ages, shapes, capabilities moving together, singing, clapping, smiling. I cried. I tried not to show it, but I was so happy to listen to them. I was so happy to see hope.

Tembaletu actually means "our hope." So appropriate. Because I needed hope and I needed for them to show it to me. After a few days of hearing horrible stories, meeting people who have had to deal with way too much in their lives, hear of death and disease and destitution, these kids turned it around for me.

There is hope in this community. And this beautiful school in this community showed me so.

Afterwards, we were talked with Reverend Spiwo Xapile, the director of JL Zwane, and one of the things he talked about was the strong belief that something can be made out of nothing. That for those who have been told for years through government, society, and whoever else that they don't matter, that they don't mean anything, they have a chance. That the nothing someone is made to feel like can become something.

I am fortunate enough to live in a community where I have never had to make something out of nothing, but I would like to believe that it is possible. I have never been in a position to put it to the test. Faith and grace are amazing virtues. The people I have met all week long embody them, and they give me hope.

Thursday: Lindile Fikizolo

2011-06-03T09:17:00.001-07:00

I have struggled for the past 15 minutes to figure out how to write to you about this past week we spent in Guguletu, South Africa. I tried writing day by day, but there's too much to fill in a day to make a legible blog post. Plus, there are pressing stories on my mind that I want to process and get out of my head to you that aren't necessarily in chronological order. First and foremost is of the circumstances of how I learned of Lindile Fikizolo and ended up at his "house." I never even talked to him. I don't know if he saw me there. I didn't even see his face...only his legs and most notably his knee. But I can't get him out of my head.

Thursday morning we went with the sisters of St. Luke's hospice on home visits to some of the patients they care for. Like any other hospice in the world, they care for those who are very sick and very helpless. Most of the patients are HIV positive, but some others are incapacitated because of strokes or TB or cancer. We split into two groups and each group went to visit two patients. Lindile was one of the patients we visited.

To get to his shack, we drove down a back road, took a left on a rocky dirt road in between some rows of shacks, up a hill, a right, and then another left. Shack upon shack upon shack. I didn't even know that Lindile's shack was there. I just saw what looked like a garage, but on the side of this enclosed space was a tiny door where he lay in a tiny room with one tiny window and tiny lightbulb that wasn't on. More light was creeping through the holes in the sides of the shack than it was through the window.

Lindile is 33 years old. He is HIV positive. He has been bedridden since 2008. He is incontinent and doesn't have use of his lower body to move around. We were told that he loves to speak with the visitors that come with the caregivers but that on this day he was too ill and in too much pain to talk or really know we were there.

Because of his condition, Lindile has very very bad bedsores. The sisters come by three times a week to change his dressings, clean him, say a prayer, and do what they can. His mother just came down this past week to be with him from the Eastern Cape. Hs cousin watches after him and does what he can.

We were told that his condition was very bad, but that we could peep in and take a look at him and say hi or witness the work they do. They told us to take a look at his knee that was in very bad shape because of his bed sore. So I looked in. I don't even know how to describe what I saw accurately. I saw a rail thin man. Just skin and bones. His legs were bent and his left knee was exposed. The skin on his body was loose, and it looked as if something had eaten away all the skin surrounding the entire area of his knee. Were black skin should have been, I could only see white. I don't know if it was tissue or bone or infection or what because I had to look away. I couldn't see anymore. I didn't want to see anymore. They asked if we wanted to see the sores on his buttocks (which were supposedly worse) and I passed. I couldn't do it.

Te smell from the room came drifting out now and then while the sisters did their work and I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. I don't know what it is and I don't really want to know. His mother was sitting behind us wiping away tears from her face as we stood there. We didn't really know what to do, but a few of us gave her some money. I had to do something. It's all I could think of to do.

Because of his worsening condition, he was hopefully moved right to the hospice building today. He certainly needs it. But there was no transport to take him there so I hope they found some.

For each Lindile in the townships, there are many more who are in similar situations and nobody probably even knows about it. Just left to rot and die in complete poverty and helplessness. I don't know how to process that. I don't know what to do with that information. This is the reality of how many people live. I don't want to see it, but I need to know....I need to see it for myself. But I don't know what to do now.

I don't know if this does any good and I doubt he'll ever know, but I feel compelled to say this:
Lindile,
I'm sorry the circumstances of your life turned out the way that they did. I am sorry that I didn't have a chance to even see your face or smile at you or try to let you somehow know that i wanted to do so. I am sorry that you are a victim of HIV and all of the horrible things it can do to a person and a family. I am sorry for the poverty you are surrounded with and that you are stuck there. I am sorry your are in so much pain and that you don't have all of the world at your disposal to make you feel better, warmer, safer, so you can live with more dignity, happiness, and peace. I wish I could do something for you. I wish I could give you a blanket to be warmer on the cold nights. I wish I was stronger to sit with you longer than I was capable of. I wish I could do something but I don't know what to do. I will pray for you. I will wish for you love and peace.
With much respect,
Aaron

Igama lam nguAaron. Ndidiniwe. Ndiyavuya.

2011-05-27T10:54:00.001-07:00

Today was a day of firsts for me which is kind of fun considering that i have been here a few times before.

The first first was a Xhosa lesson. Xhosa is the predominant language spoken in this part of the country among black South Africans. South Africa actually has 9 (I think? I should google this.) official languages. We wanted to learn a bit of Xhosa as this is what will be widely spoken when we go to Guguletu next week. It is not an easy language to learn. First there are three "click" sounds: for the letters x, c, and q. And each click is different from the other from three different points in your mouth. It was a challenge for me. Other than that, everything is pretty phonetic so it was nice to try it out. We shall have many opportunities to practice our few lessons from Siviwe today.

My second first of the day was a trip to the top of Table Mountain. If you are unfamiliar with table mountain, simply look at a picture of Cape Town and it will become pretty clear what it is: the flat-topped mountain that the Cape Town area cities are built around. I have never been up there before because Table Mountain can be kind of fickle weather-wise. If there any clouds or high wind they do not allow people to go up. This can be much of the time during winter especially. So it was great that it was clear today on the day we had already planned to go. Such a blessing because it was amazing. I will post a few pictures on Facebook when i get a chance, but again it is simply gorgeous views in any given direction. I got a little daring climbing off the path onto the rocks towards the edge of the cliff but it was fun.

My third first of the day was spending time shopping and eating in Camps Bay. This is a ritzy city on the Atlantic Side of the mountain with million dollar homes and posh little restaurants and a pristine beach. I spent the afternoon with Nekey, Elisa, Suzie, Riise, and Brittany just chilling, eating, and relaxing. I also bought a winter cap--they called it a beanie--because my ears have been hurting from the wind and cold temps.

And now I sit here back at my room really tired and ready for bed. We have an early start tomorrow as we are driving two hours out of the city to a game reserve for a safari type day! I don't really have the capacity at the moment to pontificate on anything too deep. Other than to say that today I have definitely felt blessed and grateful for the opportunities I have. And for the wonderful people I am spending this opportunity with. I've been really emotional today. I am weary, but happy. Thanks, friends.

By the way, the title means "My name is Aaron. I am tired. I am happy." in Xhosa.

The Ugly Can Be Beautiful

2011-05-26T12:06:00.001-07:00

As the day winds down, I find myself tired, sunburned, emotional, and very pensive. And maybe a tad bit confused.

Our day today was mostly a touristy day. We traversed up and down the Cape Peninsula to Cape Point with a few notable stops along the way. The first was to Boulders Beach in Simonstown where there is a colony of penguins that has taken up shop. They never fail to entertain. The students loved it. Next, we went all the way down to Cape Point which is the very tip of the peninsula and the meeting of the Atlantic and Indian ocean currents. I am not lying when I say it is my absolute favorite place on earth. It is breathtaking, the air is fresh and crisp. There are beautiful cliffs, mountains in the distance across False Bay, and nothing in front of you except Antarctica some thousands of miles away. No picture will ever do it justice. I feel so lucky that this was my third time there. After a drive along Chapman's Peak, one of the most scenic coastal drives in the world, we stopped for lunch in Hout Bay at a local fish and chips joint, dipped our feet in the Atlantic Ocean and came back home.

This is all great, but when I juxtapose it with our evening conversation I am left a little dumbfounded. A few times on this trip, we will have a guest leader come in and tell us her story and dialogue with the group about leadership. Tonight's guest was Allison who started an organization called Rainbow Families. Rainbow Families is a home for 12 vulnerable children that have been removed from their homes because of abuse, incest, neglect, and other horrible things that children should never have to go through. What makes Rainbow Families unique is that it is not a government organization. In fact, Allison started it because she was unhappy with how the government operated organizations that do the same thing were doing their job. Slow to respond, quick to give back to broken homes, and generally bureaucratic among other things, Allison took it upon herself to create this house so it could truly work on behalf of the children and give them a safe space to get help, support, and grow. She said it was her goal since she was 16 (she is now 50) and it opened 4 years ago.

She was so eloquent, tenacious, and strong. She talked about how she thought that no child should ever be brought up in a township or squatter camp and definitely shouldn't go back to one after leaving there. She shared her story of growing up in a township herself and how her parents really didn't expect much from her except to get pregnant and start raising kids from an rely age.

She said it was because she was rebellious that she go out of the township, went to school, became a social worker, and is now living out her 34-year-old vision. I like that phrase: because I was rebellious. For those who are stuck in situations where the systems in place don't provide much hope for a good life, it really is the one quality that is definitely needed to make any difference whatsoever. Go against the grain. Don't be afraid. Take risks. Don't take no for an answer. Live the life others won't even let you imagine to live.

When I hear Allison's story and that of the work she does and the horrible conditions these kids come from (one was removed from a home where he was made to sleep outside in a chicken coop on a cold wet mattress in the middle of winter because he wet the bed) with the beautiful spaces and places we saw today it just floors me. I don't know why. My favorite place on earth is a few kilometers from deplorable conditions that people live in. Next to the beautiful landscape are dusty flat areas filled with shacks, poverty, disease, and crime.

How can this place that i love be so ugly and beautiful at the same time?

But i gets that is just what you see on the surface. Because, as I think a bit more about it, what Allison is doing and the people she is helping are amazingly beautiful. I must remind myself that the picture in the frame doesn't matter nearly as much as the stories behind the picture. I am hopeful that beautiful stories will outweigh and outdo the ugly ones. And that underneath the ugly, there is actually beauty.

Beautiful, ugly. Ugly, beautiful. Or maybe it was never ugly at all...since it's beautiful.

I'm not sure I'm even making sense to myself anymore. But that's what is on my tired, sunburnt mind right now. Thank you for reading!

The students are writing some good stuff. I suggest checking out some of their blogs. Cat's is a good one. Take a look!

The Struggle of Man, The Struggle of Memory

2011-05-25T10:44:00.001-07:00

"The struggle of man against power is the struggle of memory against forgetting. " -Milan Kundera

This quote appeared on a placard for one of the exhibit rooms of artifacts at the District Six Museum. I have been thinking a lot about this quote. I'm not sure I totally get what it means but it really has grabbed me.

Today we explored through lecture via Alan and a visit to three museums/historical buildings (District Six Museum, Iziko Slave Lodge, and the Castle of Good Hope) some of the impact of history on Cape Town. While Cape Town is visually stunning and filled with cool people, sites, and stuff I really don't think history has been kind to this particular area of the world. As I mentioned a little the other day, the southern tip of Africa became a white dominated area a few centuries ago and those affects are still felt today in very big ways. The three sites this afternoon that we stopped at helped to illuminate that point.

My first real takeaway from today (and perhaps this is obvious to others and I'm just now getting it) is that never was it part of the creed of those settling here to even consider the native Africans as their equals. It wasn't ever put on the table as an option. This astounds me because the implications of that today are huge. This was especially evident at the Slave Lodge where some artifacts from a centuries worth of slavery were on display. Interestingly enough, slaves in southern Africa were not native Africans. They were brought in from Indonesia, India, and other places that direction. Africans weren't considered competent enough to even serve as slaves. Then many people began fighting for land rights and ya da ya da ya da...it's a story as old as the hills: men fought for power, prestige, purpose, and wealth.

And the white people (either the British or the Dutch depending on when) won.

The District six Museum is fascinating to me. District Six is an entire Cape Town neighborhood that-because of the Group Areas Act which displaced people to the outskirts of the city based on race-was completely razed and the many people (mostly coloured) lost their community and their neighborhood....to nothing. It was never rebuilt. And then after Apartheid ended, it has been kept undeveloped as a monument of sorts to what happened to this community. You can even see pieces of homes and stones from sidewalks along the highway that District Six juts up to.

The museum itself is a monument of memories and artifacts from the people who lost their homes and their community. It's almost eerie. The family photos, teapots, records playing, jewelry boxes, park benches, etc. make it feel like a memorial of sorts. And then there is the map of the neighborhood that takes up the entire first floor where former residents have signed where they used to live. It is almost like a haunted house in a non-scary way. Like their souls are still there.

It is a non-narrative narrative. You can walk around this museum and weave together a story of a neighborhood that was killed.

Which brings me back to the quote. The museum is meant to be a symbol of what has passed in the hopes that future will not elicit the same result. That a different kind of triumph other than separateness will occur. That collaboration of humanity wins out of over the blinding power of greed, hate, and ignorance. There was a poem written on the floor by the map of the neighborhood. It's called Questioning Eyes:
It's sad
The situation is so bad
That when we meet
In this dark street,
We size
Each other up
With cautious, questioning eyes. (by Peter E. Clarke)

I am stuck thinking about how we choose to relate to each other. To people we don't know or don't necessarily understand. Do we size them up? Do we place value on them as greater than or less than? On what basis? Why? We all do it.

A lot to take in today for us, but it is a day that sets up a deeper understanding of the communities we are a part of right now and what makes them the way they are. This will get woven even more as the days go on.

I'll leave you with this poem. It appears at the entrance of the District Six Museum. I like it because I find it so hopeful and filled with truth. Peace, friends.

Remember Dimbaza.
Remember Botshabelo/Onverwacht,
South End, East Bank,
Sophiatown, Makuleke, Cato Manor.
Remember District Six.
Remember the racism
Which took away our homes
And our livelihood
And which sought
To steal away our humanity.
Remember also our will to live,
To hold fast to that
Which marks us as human beings:
Our generosity, our love of justice
And our care for each other.
Remember Tramway Road,
Modderdam, Simonstown

In remembering we do not want
To recreate District Six
But to work with its memory:
Of hurts inflicted and received
Of loss, achievements and of shames,
We wish to remember
So that we can all,
Together and by ourselves,
Rebuild a city
Which belongs to all of us.
In which all of us can live,
Not as races but as people

No One's Weekend Special

2011-05-24T11:51:00.001-07:00

The title of this blog comes from a song we were listening to tonight in our brief tour and history of South African popular music called "Weekend Special". We discussed how nobody was going to be anyone's "weekend special" as the song suggests while we are here. I also threatened that if any of them are arrested I am putting it in this blog. :)

So the students arrived! On time and as planned which any more seems like such a blessing when flying. After a quick tour and settling in last night they were left to catch up on their sleep and rest in a non-seated position.

Today was really just as it should be: an introductory day. We spent the morning on the University of Cape Town campus getting to know Alan and Jane, letting them get to know the students and talk a little about some basic background info to get started. A few things I learned during this:
--the majority of people in the Western Cape (the province we are in) are coloured (mixed race)
--the majority speak Afrikaans (similar to Dutch)
--unemployment hovers higher than 30%
We will be discussing in much more depth the history, current events, and politics of South Africa. This was just a taste. After lunch we went on a tour via Alan around Cape Town to get students oriented to the city and it's urban neighborhoods (aka the ritzy areas). We made a few stops along the way to stroll through the gardens by the parliament building, as well as go sample some Cape Malay cuisine in Bo Kaap which is the neighborhood settled by the immigrants of slaves brought from the middle east areas. It is mostly Muslim. Tasty stuff.

After a quick nap, we had a traditional dinner of bobotie which is kind of like a meat pie and then talked with Aaron (not me) and Siviwe about South African music from gospel to Afropop to Bubblegum to other genres I cannot pronounce and didn't write down. It was a really cool experience. Aaron has been a radio dj for quite some time and it sounds like he's been a pretty prominent one. Siviwe will also be joining us on Friday to teach us Xhosa.

I LOVE witnessing this place and this city through the eyes of those visiting it for the first time. The students really seemed to enjoy the day and soak in their surroundings. I am so thrilled that this is only just beginning and we can continue to discover together some of the wonderful complexities and beauty of this part of our world. The students are pretty amazing...definitely not shy, very funny, and ready to jump in to this. They actually help me open up more and relax and enjoy myself. Much more to come about them as the days progress.

That's all I have for today. Just a quick update on our start here. More to follow. Below is a picture of the group at the University. We are in the southern hemisphere so it is fall here...I love the changing leaves.

Mzoli's

2011-05-23T10:37:00.001-07:00

What a fun day today has been! For those of you on Facebook, I have posted a few pictures of what I am about to talk about.

I spent the day with Kevin, Jane, and Carol. Jane works with the international programs at Open Arms and has been to South Africa numerous times. She set up our week in Guguletu next week for us. Carol is a volunteer at Open Arms and part of their international committee. She flew in last night and will be traveling around this week with Kevin on a train trip. Both Kevin and Carol will be joining us for our food parcel distribution day next Tuesday.

We started off the day at Monkeybiz. Monkeybiz is a business that sells the beaded artwork of women living in the townships. They also provide health services to the women and their families. If you are in Minneapolis, you have probably seen their work different places like Whole Foods or Bibelot or specialty sales. It is rather cool stuff and a very successful initiative to provide employment and empowerment to women in the townships. Jane was picking out pieces to take back to Idaho where she lives to sell. It is a fun place to visit. Their office is this rather chic little store with the business part upstairs. The women who work there are fun, smart, and savvy.

Next, we went to an organization I had not heard of before today: Ikamva Labantu. Ikamva Labantu means "the future of our nation." the work they do are community development initiatives. I didn't catch what all of these initiatives are, but I was fascinated listening to the conversation with Helen, one of their leaders. Kevin was sharing a bit of helen's story as we left. Hopefully I get this right: she is a Jewish (white) South African who was doing work in the townships back in the 1980s when it was absolutely forbidden to do so. She received death threats (one of those came by a burned corpse left at the doorstep with a note telling her she would be next), and would wear black paint on her face to be able to go into the townships at night. She has received many acknowledgment locally and internationally for her work. She mentioned how she would be coming to the US this year as an invited speaker at President Clinton's Global Initiative Conference. She spoke eloquently and confidently about the nature of her work, how people only believe there is a problem when they see it first hand--only then do most feel compelled to do something about it, how change is huge and the ability to adapt and make change happen is the very core of working on behalf of others. A truly wonderful woman to meet and listen to.

Next, we headed to JL Zwane! Oh how i love going there. I met many of the people we will be spending next week with, speaking to us, leading us around, and teaching us. I saw Noxi who is planning all of our home stays. There was a delegation from China at the center while we were there.

We were only there for a short while before we headed off to lunch at Mzoli's. Mzoli's is widely (internationally even...Kevin was mentioning how he heard about it on NPR) known as a fantastic place to go and eat. But not for vegetarians...there is meat, meat, and more meat on the menu with a few small sides to go with it. They brought out to us this humongous platter of braiied (south african BBQ) lamb, chicken, and a sausage that I was initially weary of but it was unbelievable. It's a great place: this nondescript little restaurant with a huge patio on the corner of a street in Guguletu that on weekends can draw crowds packed to capacity waiting for hours to order and get a table.

Joining us for lunch were Ben and Mary. They kept referring to me as Professor and were wonderful lunch companions. They live in Gugs just down the road from Mzoli's. The students will meet them next week when we go to Mary's house to hear her tell us about her life during Apartheid. (A preview: the family she worked for required her to call everyone in it Master...including the dog.)

It occurred to me during lunch that eating at Mzoli's with Ben and Mary reminded me of Stanley, North Dakota, during my childhood when we go and visit my grandparents. Obviously, the physical differences are not the parallel, but the rest of the vibe was. It's hard to explain, but I think it was the sense of neighborliness (is that even a word?) and camaraderie that I felt. Everyone seemed to have something to say to everyone else nearby. People would walk by and gentle nods would be given. Others were there jumping from table to table to have conversations. Mary and Ben relayed many stories of things happening, anecdotal memories of other times with Kevin and Jane. There was a sense of belonging and that everyone was welcome. Come as you are. It was a one of the nicest, most enjoyable lunches I've been part of in a long time. And I am brought back to the takeaway that I have learned many times before here: we are more alike than we are different. Stanley, North Dakota, or Guguletu, South Africa: the same character is present, the sensibility of the people are the same, and the joy and laughter and communal sense of belonging resonates that same way.

The students should be landing in a few hours. Although it is raining something fierce outside right now. The rain is so loud that I can no longer here the tv. Hopefully this doesn't deter them or delay them. I hope it let's up...I need to drive my rental car back to the airport to drop it off and would prefer not to drive in this! I am still completely unnerved by the pedestrian on the highway the other day.

Things are taking off! Much more to come.

A short post about "A Short Short History"

2011-05-22T12:39:00.001-07:00

With any luck, the students are at the airport waiting to take off right now and tornadoes or power outages won't keep them from doing so. It's time to get this show on the road!

I spent part of my day today re reading some of the texts we are using for class. One of them is called "Dinosaurs, Diamonds, and Democracy: a Short Short History of South Africa." Volumes and volumes can be written about the history of a country, but this book does a good job of quickly showing the wholly fascinating story of how South Africa has become what it is today.

What is astonishing to me is that basically since white people set foot in southern Africa centuries ago they have been slowly but surely putting laws and politics into place that give them power and strip native Africans of their own. This, of course, all culminated with apartheid which told people where they could live, how much they could learn, decreed that only white people were actual citizens of the country, and it tore families apart by saying women could only hold certain jobs (nanny, maid, etc.) and that men usually needed to migrate to find work. Even more so, they defined what race people were based on illogical systems. A white person who was too "dark" could be considered a different race and kicked out of his home, sent to a different school, etc.

What is also amazing is that South Africa transitioned to democracy peacefully and now has one of the most compassionate constitutions in the world in regards to human rights and equality. And apartheid ended less than 20 years ago.

It's interesting to me to think about what this history means for the place I am in right now. The book also describes South Africa's current biggest problems: unemployment, poverty and socioeconomic inequality, struggling education system, crime, HIV, and challenges to the environment. For the course, we I'll be able to see how many of these problems manifest themselves in the lives of everyday people, and we will also hear from those who experienced apartheid.

All of this because of how some guys many years ago decided to view people who had a different skin color then them. I wonder what they thought would happen down the line? Did they picture THIS?

So excited for tomorrow. Not only do the students arrive, but I am spending the day with Kevin and Jane Letourneau at JL Zwane. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow night.

Where are you going?

2011-05-21T10:19:00.001-07:00

I am not sure i have much to say today, but I am trying to make a habit of posting something on here every night. I expect the students to blog regularly so I am trying to model the way. :)

This morning I went for a drive east of Cape Town. I had literally nothing on my schedule for today so it was an effort to spend some time checking out an area I haven't really traveled to before. I know that there are some great scenic routes heading along the southern coast of the Indian ocean. The problem is that i didn't have a map with me. I didn't want to venture too far off the beaten path without one so I just stuck to the main interstate and drove up and over a few mountains and then turned around and came home.

Some observations from my mini road trip:
--there were signs for cow crossings
--the view driving up the mountain overlooking False Bay and back towards Table Mountain and Cape Point was amazing. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to stop and take pictures.
--I screamed and nearly had a heart attack when a boy ran across the road and almost right in front of my car when I was going at least 80 km an hour. I fact, I saw several people crossing the interstate highway on foot. This is the equivalent of crossing 494 in Bloomington on foot. It turned my relaxing drive into a rather unnerving one.

The drive left me unsettled and as the day went on I remained unsettled. Too much alone time, and my drive didn't do what I was hoping to kill some time and leave me feeling enlightened and energized. I am very happy that I had a conversation via Skype with someone I am close to this afternoon as it really was able to take me out of a place of feeling lazy and dull.

Because there're really no need to be lazy and dull here! Or anywhere. One of the things we talked about was the true gift we have of being able to build a vision for the future and really have the tools and knowledge to work towards that vision. As opposed to my aimless drive i took just hoping to nab at something that would be what I needed, I can be purposeful in where I'm going, who I bring with, what I do and build, and I can decide to be self-centered about it or hopefully look a little bit beyond myself and benefit others. What a gift to be able to have the option to follow a map that has the potential to elicit great sights, newfound knowledge, meet people along the way, and do good.

I really cannot wait for the students to arrive. It's time to get this show on the road. They leave tomorrow at 3 in the afternoon and arrive here Monday night. I look at tomorrow as one more day to prepare the trip we are about to take. Get things ready to go and make sure I have a map with me this time.

Sorry for the horrible road trip metaphors. My dinner is here soon so I best say good bye for now. (Nandos for dinner! Some of the best chicken and now they deliver!

Fear? or Fear!

2011-05-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

One suggestion that was given to me for how to post on this blog this time around was to essentially look at my values, principles I live by and use those as topics for postings. Another way to look at it would be to look at the blockades to my these ideals and examine how they also might fit into my experiences. I already talked a few posts ago about the detriment of fear and the subsequent strive for courage. It seemed like a good topic to continue just because it's been on my mind and come up in conversation today.

I had the great pleasure of having lunch with Kevin Winge today. Kevin, the executive director of Open Arms of Minnesota, is the whole reason I ever wanted to go to South Africa or construct this course in the first place. More specifically, Kevin wrote a book about some of his own experiences living and working here called Never Give Up: Vignettes from Sub-Saharan Africa in the Age of AIDS. This book and my opportunities to work with Kevin in my teaching are very meaningful to me.

Anyhow, at lunch Kevin was sharing with me a little about some of his experiences being here. He is working on a second book and constructing a narrative arc around his experiences traveling around the country by train....from luxury train to third class cars. I think Kevin is an amazing writer and I look forward to what he comes up with.

While talking about his time here, one of the subjects that came up is fear. More specifically, how fear governs our choices, tempers our viewpoints, and essentially can lead us into prejudice and react out of something not based in fact or reason. Fear can be powerful and, as I think about it, fear is likely the reasoning behind a lot of racism, homophobia and other isms and phobias that exist.

There is a lot of talk when coming to South Africa about safety. That there is a high rate of crime and other stuff here. That we need to be smart and vigilant in how we carry ourselves, where we go, and what we do. But what occurs to me is that all of these warnings quite honestly is that these warnings occur based on the notion of looking out for people and places that are different from us and from what we know.

For example, Kevin shared a story about how on the luxury train many of the passengers would become very afraid when the train would make stops in generally Black areas. The travelers, presumable mostly White, had fear of what they don't see as themselves and what they likely don't understand. Fear of different, fear of the unknown, fear of something they have been taught to fear but don't even know why perhaps?

It also makes me think about the gay marriage debate happening in my home state of Minnesota right now. From what I understand about the reason for a constitutional ban on gay marriage, the argument stems largely around misunderstanding or refusing to see things from a different perspective. I would argue that this is mostly out of fear. Fear of different, fear of the unknown, fear of something they have been taught to fear but don't event know why perhaps?

And, to be honest, I am afraid of being here alone sometimes. When I walk around I am extra alert to who is around me. Even When Kevin and I were having lunch I had one hand on my sweatshirt pocket that was facing the sidewalk (we were eating outside) most of the time out of this fear that someone walking by might swipe something from me. I went and grabbed dinner early because I didnt want to be walking alone after dark even though I only ventured 2 blocks away from my guesthouse. Fear of the unknown, fear of different, fear of something I have taught to fear but don't even know why perhaps?

I am not saying there isn't some good reason to be aware, alert, and make smart choices. But when my decisions--anyone's decisions--are based on a deeply rooted fear of something invalidated, well what good does that do to overcome prejudice, see things from someone else's perspective, learn things can happen a different way than I already know and understand?

So instead of a question, perhaps it's met courageously head on with an exclamation: fear of the unknown! Fear of different! Fear of something I haven been taught to fear but don't even know why! A chance to understand myself and others better by being open to the world around me, honestly assess my own ignorance and bias, step SAFELY and SANELY out of my comfort zone and understand more of others I share the world with.

Perhaps I'm being a little pollyanna-ish, but I do think that this trip allows us the opportunity to challenge our comfort zones, not give in to needless fear, and maybe bring a little more open mindedness into the world. For me and the students. Any one of us really. You don't have to travel halfway around the world to confront fear being put into dangerous action (hi, MN Legislature!).

So I guess those are my immediate thoughts on fear. I am happy to report I am no longer as cold as I learned how to work the heat in my room. I had to get over my fear of looking stupid if I ask for help to learn how to do it though. :)

Hello, Dear Friend

2011-05-19T10:30:00.000-07:00

I landed in Cape Town last night and am so happy to be back. Each arrival makes this space feel like a place to become reacquainted with and to discover more of what is happening....kind of like an old friend you come across after a few years or on Facebook or something.

I am here alone. The students will arrive on Monday night. Until then, my mission is to ensure everything is ready to go for the class and to gain my wits about me again after the long trip. (Minneapolis to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Cape Town, about 24 hours door to door)

Well part one of that mission is already clear to go! Alan and his colleague Jane, as well as Jane Letourneau from Open Arms of Minnesota, have done an amazing job in putting our vision for the experience into reality. For those that aren't aware, here's a short breakdown of what the 3-week course entails:
--Many excursions to get to know Cape Town and South Africa, including Robben Island, the Cape of Good Hope, a safari day at a game reserve, a tri to the winelands, hiking Table Mountain, cage diving with Great White Sharks (!) and visits to local museums.
--1 week in Guguletu. Our time in Gugs includes 5 nights of home stays, speaking with community leaders, hearing the stories of those in community affected by HIV and poverty, volunteering with the JL Zwane Center (this includes their after school program, a service project at a community school, visiting orphaned children and hospice patients, and our food parcel delivery day), among other things.
--classroom time spent discussing how culture, space, and educational, social, political, and economic systems create large social issues and how leaders are making positive change on those issues.
Yes, it's a packed 3 weeks! :)

As for part two of my mission, well let's just say I have spent most of the day catching up on South African tv. :) Its been a very relaxing day. Tomorrow I am having lunch with Kevin Winge, the Executive Director of Open Arms, who is in SA on sabbatical. He's a person who i admire and respect deeply and I am excited to see him in this context!

We are just getting started here. Mostly I just wanted to let those that care know that I made it safely and things are off to a good start for me. Although I am a little cold. Honestly, I am thinking of going and buying a stocking cap tomorrow because my ears are freezing and i didn't bring one. It's fall here and contrary to popular belief, all of Africa is not a balmy jungle or arid desert.

Much more to come. Peace!

Who am I to....?

2011-05-11T17:19:00.000-07:00

As the final days of packing and planning approach, I find myself needing to do a brain dump of thoughts and feelings regarding our upcoming trip. Also, Open Arms posted my blog on their Facebook page so I feel some need to write something new (perhaps I should revisit my blog post titled "Overcoming My Need to Be Impressive").

In my final week before going, I find my anxiety mounting and, generally speaking, the question "who am I to be doing this?" keeps coming into my head. That surfaces in a lot of ways. Who am I to blog about this? I mean, is it really that interesting? Or am I feeding my ego? Who am i to teach others in such a different place in the world from my areas of expertise? Who am I to essentially invade people's lives for such a short period of time, bring a bunch of students with me, take some pictures, learn a little, and then pick up and leave as quickly as we came?

If I were listening to someone else--perhaps one of the studens, for example--ask these questions, I would essentially tell them to get over themselves. I shall tell myself the same thing.

In leadership classes, we talk about listening to "the song beneath the words." If the above is "the words", then what is the underlying tune and orchstration that is carrying these words along? As I sit back and think about it a bit: it's fear.

Not fear over any kind of calamity happening or anything going wrong, but more fear of the unknown and the pressure and expectations that come with this trip. Again, if I were listening to someone else this, I would tell them two things:
1. Fear never need be a factor in making a decision. Courage is not the absence of fear. It's the willingness to walk through it.
2. Get over your expectations. Let them go. Breathe. Open your senses. Enjoy.
It occurs to me now that this is just as valid of advice pre-trip as it is during the trip.

So I shall I try to take my own advice. Novel idea. I can often be a person who is focusing on what is happening next rather than the current moment. I am going to make an effort to savor the pre-trip nerves and excitement, recognize how lucky I am to be given this opportunity AGAIN, and prepare to take 15 college students on a trip that could change their perspective on the world (but really: no expectations.) :)

Thanks for "listening." More to come. Oh! The students have raised over $6,000 for food parcels in Guguletu. That is some inspiration right there.

Support + Shop = Do Good & Eat

2011-05-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

One component of our time in South Africa this time around, as I mentioned previously, is raising money to buy food parcels for some of the people living in the townships near Cape Town. Specifically, Open Arms of Minnesota sponsors a delivery of food parcels twice a year through the JL Zwane Center in Guguletu. These food parcels, filled with food that feeds a a family of 7 for 1 month, go to sick and elderly community members, members of the Center's HIV support group, and families in need where perhaps they have taken in orphans whose parents have died or the children are supporting themselves with no parents around.

Not only are we raising money to buy the supplies for the parcels, we will spend a day putting them together and delivering them while we are there.

Our goal was to beat Saint Thomas University's fundraising total when one of their classes did the same thing this winter ($8000). While I don't know what our total is so far I know it is at least $4000 or $5000. And there is still time to donate!

While part of the reason for this post is to get you to donate (if you haven't already), it is mostly intended to give the students some public praise for the work they have done in their fundraising. In addition to their own personal fundraising asks, they have undertaken some collaborative efforts to raise some money: they held a bake sale in the union, a few sold jewelry, many have persuaded their classmates to support them, some have spoken in their churches about the purpose of their trip and this cause.

And they are selling goods! Really nice tshirts, sweatshirts, tote bags, etc for all people of all sizes. Part of the sale of each shirt--between $8 to $15 depending on the item--will go to buying food parcels. Go to their store and check them out and think about purchasing something: http://apparelforafrica.spreadshirt.com/

In the middle of the end of the semester busy-ness, their own anticipation about their trip, and the plethora of other demands each college student faces, they have met this money making challenge head on without complaint or hesitation. Just another example of what we have the power and influence to do when we have passion about it. One of many inspiring lessons to come over the next month or so.

Leaving in 9 days! Much more to follow.

Leaving in 24 Days!

2011-04-23T14:00:00.000-07:00

The time is quickly approaching to leave once again for South Africa for my May-term course in the Leadership Minor a the U of M. I'm sure I'll have some attempted deep thoughts and pontifications on this in the coming weeks, but there are a few important things I wanted to make you aware of:

1) The students are getting excited to go! See for yourself. Their names are listed above and will link to their own invidivual blogs. I am consistently amazed on how thoughtful they are. I am pretty sure I was not this reflective and wise when I was 20 or 21. Reading their anticipation, anxiety, and excitement gets me even more excited.

2) For this trip, we are undertaking a huge fundraising initiative for Open Arms Minnesota and their South Africa programs that support the JL Zwane Center where we will be for about 1/3 of our time during the class. The initiative involves raising money for food parcels that are compiled and given to those most in need in the Gugulethu community. Each parcel feeds a family of 7 for one month with good staples, treats, and nutritious food. Each food parcel costs $50. If you can in any way donate a little to help, I will be very grateful. To do so, go to http://www.openarmsmn.org/foodparcels

We will be the ones who will help put together and distribute the food parcels while we are there, so we can show you exactly where your money will be going!

That's it for now. Much more to follow!

My return to Gugulethu and JL Zwane

2011-01-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

Alan picked me up this morning so we could travel to The JL Zwane Center in Gugulethu, one of the neighboring townships, so we could meet with the director, Spiwo Xapile.

This was very exciting to me. JL Zwane is the heart and soul of what i find so moving about South Africa and is the pinnacle of my fondest memories and greatest emotions. JL Zwane is attached to a church and provides many services to the local community: after school programming, hot lunch service, HIV support group, food parcel delvivery, AIDS hospice care, and much more. For the past classes and this upcoming one we will spend about one third of our time in Gugulethu stationed at JL Zwane meeting with leaders from the community, volunteering our time, and enjoying their delicious--i mean seriously delicious--food. We will also stay with people living in Gugulethu who are identified lthrough the center.

It was such a rush to return, to be the one leading us there because i knew how to find it, to see Spiwo and the other faces that i remember from before. These are extraordinary people doing amazing work in a community that is both inspiring and heartbreaking all at once.

The most fascinating part of the morning, however, was listening to Alan and Spiwo discuss leadership. Both are strong leaders themselves with amazing backgrounds. Actually, they had met before. Alan told me when i got here that he has a picture of him and Spiwo from the front page of the Pretoria newspaper in 1979 when they were there protesting. They both have vivid pasts as activists and change agents.

I sat back and listened as they talked about leadership needs in South Africa. About finding role models, people to give hope to their communities. About how to bring traditional tribal roles into a modern functioning world. About the intersection of faith, spirituality, and leadership. (On the latter, Spiwo noted that he never asks the church for permission...only forgiveness.) Their passion for their country and the work that they see needs to be done is strong and admirable. Passion is such an important leadership tool. You can feel passion. It allows you to sense what is happening inside someone.

As we left, i noticed something i hadn't noticed before: a picture of Spiwo accepting an award from Nelson Mandela. Don't see that everyday.

On the drive back into town, Alan gave me a litle more a glimpse into his past. Alan is a colored South African (the term that describes those that dont racially qualify as white or black). I know this term sounds a bit alarming to Americans, but it is used commonly here. The beginnings of relocation out of the city for coloreds and blacks during apartheid happened when Alan was still young. He talked about how his family moved around a lot to stay with different people in the area. He talked about having to ask permission as a colored man to go to college, earning his first degree by working part-time to afford it. Colored South Africans had it slightly better than blacks during apartheid, but not as good as whites. Their neighborhoods, level of quality of life literally were stationed between the white and black communities. Alan also noted how his wife, though having lighter skin than him, grew up in Langa, the first black township in Cape Town. Apartheid is such an amazingly stupid and cruel idea. I hope to educate myself more about it.

Alan went on to earn several more degrees, eventually become a faculty member at the University, and then a leadership consultant for several companies including some of the top corporations in South Africa.

I feel privileged to be in the company of such amazing people with encouraging stories. I am reminded that everyone has a story. We just have to sit back and listen.

So now I sit in my guesthouse, by the pool, enjoying my last night in South Africa. The long 48 hour journey home begins tomorrow mid-morning. I'm not really disheartened though. How could i be? I have the privilege of returning here with a dozen or more college students that i get to introduce to this mystifying and beautiful place in just a few months. Exciting adventures await. For all of us.

Letting go of my need to be impressive

2011-01-09T11:56:00.000-08:00

Today was really lazy. REALLY lazy. I spent the better part of the afternoon watching a cricket match trying to figure out how the hell it works. I still don't get it. Other than getting a little work done and a trip to the grocery store for a few items, my lethargy was really starting to get to me.

As many people are probably aware, I've been doing to certain anonymous type meetings for going on 2 years now, and I really wanted to attend and check one out while i was here. It was clear around dinner time that today needed a spark of something interesting added to it so tonight would be a good night to go. There's a meeting just down the road and to the left from where I'm staying so there was really no excuse not to go.

Once i arrived and sat down I immediately began to tear up. It was just all so familiar and so...comforting. I was taken aback by how at home it felt to sit down in that room and wait for the meeting to start in the same manner that I knew it would just as at home, with similar people and similar journeys joining me in the circle. I needed to be there. A guy spent a good part of the hour telling parts of his story of his journey. I related to much of it.

Truth be told, I've been a bit lonely being here. I'm not a good introvert. I feed off the energy of others and i don't have any one to hang out with. To be in this room with these people who know what my life is like, what I'm trying to do, looking for the same journey to health and peace, it was so energizing. It was more than that. It warmed me up. I felt like I was at home. Except the view out the window was of Table Mountain with some clouds rolling off the top of it.

I am baffled at times by how i end up where i end up both literally and figuratively. I'm not sure how much use there is to try and make sense of the why, but i do like the opportunity to sit back and take note that where i seem to be appears to be given to me with some grace. I am learning what gratitude means.

I could launch right now into a long diatribe about my life's journey the past two years and how being at this meeting tonight is so representative of what i need in my life right now to in any way continue it in its current non-destructive form. But i don't feel like it's everyone's business.

However, the title of this post comes from the meeting tonight. It is something the speaker said. I don't need to be more than what i am right now. And right now i am someone who needed the fellowship i was part of tonight to remind me that without it I'm not sure any of the other stuff on my list of things to be grateful for is possible.

Reunions

2011-01-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, as I mentioned, I went to the waterfront and had dinner with Ouma. It was wonderful to see her. Ouma was one of the first people i met here and was instrumental in pulling off the class the first time around. It was great to hear that she is doing well. Ouma mentioned another person we both know, Edwin, and asked how he was. Edwin also was integral to our class as he planned all of the township aspects of the course. I hadn't spoken to Edwin in some time, so she called him to find out. It turns out Edwin was at the mall just down from where we were eating! We promptly got up and met up with him.

It was fun to just call up a friend at the mall and find out he was there too and then go find him to hang out a bit. I mean seriously? Where am I? The Eastridge Mall in Casper, Wyoming in 7th grade? Because that's what it sounds like! I was completely thrilled to see them both.

Edwin talked about the work he is doing now, and I found it very inspiring. He created and is co-directing the Women's Empowerment Fund. Their vision: to give young women access to good education and learn the skills needed to reduce poverty in their own communities. He talked specifically about some of the girls they supporting to go to school. He also mentioned that this has quickly become his full time work and they are moving into a an office space and growing quite a bit! So exciting. If you want to read more about it or donate, go to www.these numbers.org.

Moreover, as we went to find Edwin, it turns out that he was dining with a professor from the University of St. Thomas who is here teaching a course! Kim Vrudny is her name, and i had actually spoken to her on the phone before and then suddenly there she is in person with a mutual friend. Seriously? I am halfway around the world right? I love it when the world gets small.

Another reunion will hopefully happen tonight. A student I am advising, Jermaine Elliott, has been here in Cape Town for a few weeks doing an undergraduate research project on HIV. He just got back from spending several days in Guguletu working and living in the township. It will be great to see him and compare experiences.

Sometimes i feel alone and far away, but if I pay attention and realize it: I am close to many meaningful people and places. The world isn't as big as we often make it out to be, and we are far more alike than we know even if it doesn't look that way on the surface. Understanding diversity and an intercultural world doesn't start by asking the question "how are you and I different?" but instead "how are you and I the same?"

Otherwise, I spent the day so far at the beach and made a rookie mistake: if one is from Minnesota and used to being completely covered up in January, then one should wear sunscreen when spending a few hours at the beach. Ouch!

"It's like two countries."

2011-01-07T04:19:00.000-08:00

For the past day, I've had my fair share of relaxation at this lovely little guesthouse, but Alan and I have also gotten together a few times to chat about the course and his perspectives on some of the content the course has used in the past: leadership, HIV, South African politics, etc. It was great to hear Alan's perspectives.

Yesterday, Alan took me to lunch at a nursery (the plant kind) and we talked for a long time about HIV and how that fits into the class. The conversation steered towards the thought that perhaps such a tight focus on HIV and AIDS loses a bit of the conversation of what is really happening in South Africa. He talked of many people and organizations paying focus here and that some local people can become frustrated as their communities are only seen as HIV communities when there is much more to it than that obviously. Though HIV is a very real issue (thus the intense focus) what else is happening that we can capture in a course on leadership? The conversation turned to looking at areas of community building in South Africa, where positive development is happening by local individuals.

To that end, this morning Alan took me to Khayelitsha to see first hand some things happening in a part of the community. For those who are unaware, Khayelitsha is a township to the east of Cape Town. It is huge. It juts up against the main highway that runs by the airport and all the way down to the ocean. There are between 1.3 and 1.5 million people living there. We stopped at a small church where Alan has worked in the past to see some of their positive developments: a private (but cheap) grade school, a craft shop with crafts made and sold by community members, a child abuse center, and an HIV clinic.

On the way out, Alan remarked as we drove past the shacks and debris lining the road that many students remark that it is like being in 2 different countries when traveling from affluent, clean, stunning (mostly white) Cape Town to the dilapidated, dusty, densely crowded (almost exclusively black) townships that are literally only minutes away.

Anyone who has read this blog knows that i struggle deeply with this issue. But that phrase "it's like 2 different countries" sticks with me today. Because if they were indeed 2 different countries that would make it easier to understand? That we like our nations drawn upon certain social lines to compartmentalize which ones we are like and which ones we are not? That we could get these two ideas co existing if they just weren't near each other? Or, is it because there is obviously 2 very differing cultures that exist mere miles from each other?

Perhaps that's it. I struggle with the fact that in Cape Town you could swear you were in Amsterdam or San Francisco or some other pretty coastal city. Everything is orderly, vibrant, green, clean, labeled, functioning, well kept, inviting, warm. Being in Khayelitsha or any other township nearby is certainly not that. In fact, its quite opposite: I am pretty sure it is what some people envision when they envision Africa. It certainly ain't San Francisco.

No matter how these questions end up getting answered that I've raised in my own head, the truth of the matter is this: these "2 different countries" were in fact designed to be just that. Apartheid intended to separate the blacks from the whites and make it clear which was superior in social stature. Almost 20 years later, and that cultural divide is still so tightly reinforced by years of thinking that one type of person belonged in one "country" and everyone else belonged in another.

Enough of my only half-formed ramblings. Im taking off for the V&A Waterfront area in a short while (think about your local fancy mall put near breathtaking scenery along the water and you'll get an accurate picture) to have dinner with my friend Ouma. Quite a definite change from the rocky, dusty, worn steps of the church in Khayelitsha. More to come...

Ps- my iPad won't work to upload pictures on here, but i put some on Facebook.

It all comes rushing back.

2011-01-06T00:09:00.000-08:00

It's the morning on Thursday, and I made it to Cape Town! All flights went as planned from chicago on out. Many movies were watched. And my butt is sore from sitting so long. Other than that, the flights were uneventful. I kind of got used to living on a plane for a day and a half. Though if someone puts another airplane meal in front of me I will throw it at them.

I am now sitting at my lovely room at Little Scotia guesthouse enjoying their free (albeit too slow to upload pictures) wifi. A Xhosa soap operea just ended on tv and now that show Amen from the 80s with the dude from Benson is on. I'm enjoying some coffee and being able to stretch my entire body out after a nice hot shower.

The main thought that occurs to me right now is just how easy it was to remember everything i knew about being here. I didn't even need to look at a map to drive to my guesthouse. But it's more than just that. It's the smells, the way people speak, the driving on the other side of the road. It's like I was a last here 3 months ago rather than going on 3 years. Context plays such an important role in rediscovering all the dimensions of the things we love. But, when in context, we snap right back into where we left off. Or so it would seem. I may be off...I haven't really slept in a few days. But I did catch up on all the movies I'd missed! (Eat, Pray, Love was a horrid adaptation of the book, by the way.)

It's also interesting to me to think about how so much in my life has changed since i was last here. Just about every way i go about my life has changed. But that seems no matter here. New me has a renewed appreciation for the memories this place brings back.

No rest for the weary. Alan Is coming to pick me up for lunch at 12:30 so we can get started in planning the class. I look forward to getting to know Alan better. He'll likely get his own blog post in the near future because he's an extremely interesting man! Suffice it to say for now that he will be co-instructing the class with me this spring and is charged with planning all the logistics and stuff i can't do from abroad.

I hope to find a way to share a few picture while I'm here. Other than that, today will hopefully be pretty relaxed. I need to rest and reflect a little in the summer sun by the pool. :)

Is there room in your day for the unexpected?

2011-01-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

Every morning, I get a few daily meditations sent to me. The title of this post was the header for one of those meditations. And it couldn't have been a better question to ask!

My trip hasn't really gone too far yet. I'm in Chicago after having missed my connecting flight to Abu Dhabi last night because of some weather delays in Minneapolis. There's only one flight a day for the airline I'm using (Etihad Airways), so the only optn given to me was to wait until tonight's same flight.

I was livid, actually very deeply panicked and upset by this turn of events if I'm being completely honest. I have worked myself up a lot in anticipation of this journey, and it all boiled up and out of me at the thought of this delay. Part of me wanted to turn around and just go home. Part of me wanted to forget it altogether.

But then I talked to a few good friends, breathed, checked into a hotel, and regained my perspective. One of my students who went with me to South Africa in 2008 posted the following on my facebook:
"If there's anything I've learned as a Leadership Minor student, it's this: "It's all about the process." Just a pit stop on the journey to a renewed commitment to the work you love to do."
I've said many times that I learn more from my students than they from me. This is one of those moments.

My rigidity got in the way of uncovering the experience of a journey I'm very grateful to be able to take. So, yes, I spent an unplanned day in chicago, but it does not have to inhibit my desire and passion for the place I am longing to get to. It will only do that if i let it.

I remember many of my lessons learned from my previous work in South Africa have been around relinquishing self-pity and self-centeredness. To celebrate the simple parts of each day, to not want for more than I need, to forego demanding my way in lieu of spiritual satisfaction. It's so dangerously easy to forget the lessons. I am glad I've been afforded the opportunity to be reminded.

So, I'm trying a new attitude. I'm soaking in the journey. Doesn't mean i don't feel uneasy or weary, but it does mean I can do this. I am right for these experiences. I just have to pay attention.

More to come!

Let's restart this adventure shall we?

2011-01-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

I created this blog over three years ago when my friend Rebecca and I traveled to Cape Town for my first visit there. I continued it 6 months later when I took 17 students back with me for a 3-week course. It is more than 2 and a half years later and I am gearing up for another visit to a country and a community that has transformed my life and given me more gifts than i could ever possibly return.

I leave tomorrow. It'll be quite a travel adventure: Minneapolis to Chicago, Chicago to Abu Dhabi, Abu Dhabi to Johannesburg, Johannesburg to Cape Town. I will arrive there Wednesday morning (CPT is 8 hours ahead of Minneapolis.) I gotta be honest: this flight itinerary freaks me out a bit, but i also know it is sooooooooooo worth it once i arrive. Its been too long since I've been to this amazing place.

This trip will be a short one: I am only there for 5 full days, but it is an important one. I am beginning a new partnership with Arcadia University to host our may-term class this year. I'll be meeting with them to get it all together. For students going on the trip in May, consider this a preview of your own experience!

I used this blog in the past as a way to process my own thoughts, emotions, and confusion by sharing it with whoever cares to read it. I plan to do the same this time. (If you care to read those thoughts, just keep reading below.) So much more to come over the next few weeks!

How does one summarize and say farewell to a life-changing experience?

2008-06-15T06:44:00.000-07:00

This may very well be my last blog entry while in South Africa (I make no promises, though). And, having written that, I am left with a kind of sadness I can't explain. Because it's not totally sadness in every sense of the word. It's sadness, mixed with loneliness, but then also a dash of pride, and...well other things I'm not sure I can name.

I was looking forward to one last weekend in Cape Town to unwind and relax in a more low-key way than the rest of the trip was before coming home. But it has been bittersweet. Sure, it's been fun, but MAN have I ever been pensive and I have a lot of emotions just bubbling at the surface.

Last night was definitely a good time. Kate and I went over to Seiphemo and his fiance Elizabeth's house which turns out to be like 2 minutes away from where I am staying. They were having a "floor-warming" party because their house just got new floors. Totally adorable house, by the way. They had several of their friends in attendance. A few were American, one Canadian, a few South Africa, and I think one was British. It was quite enjoyable to be spending a Saturday night the way some people live here do...just hanging out, having good conversation, etc. I met some very interesting people, and a woman named Emma who is a friend of Seiphemo's tried to help Kate and I make sense of some of our questions and feelings after being here for a few weeks. She used to work for the Human Rights Commission and is a "liberated" white South Africa in the sense that she understands the struggle of the Have Nots here and was helpful in shedding some light on some of my questions.

On my previous trip, and on this one, I have a hard time wrapping my head around why Black South Africans don't stand up more for themselves and demand more of the equality that the new constitutions of the country has guaranteed for them. She basically said it isn't in their reality. That that kind of equality is a long time coming still. When I asked her what white people think then when they travel by the shacks along the road or wonder where their maid goes home to at night, the answer was simply the same: it isn't in their reality...they essentially don't "see" the shacks and are engrained to not know that as part of their society.

It makes me think about what I choose not to see at home. What isn't part of my reality? I'm sure there are things. While I love living in an urban neighborhood with a good mix of people, there are certainly areas of Minneapolis that I choose not to go to because I know they are poorer, higher in crime, etc. What am I missing? What am I turning a blind eye to in my own community that my awareness might somehow help change. That's a thinker.

Today, Ouma came and picked up Kate and I and we went to lunch in Camps Bay, a beach-oriented ritzier community on the Atlantic Ocean. We ate oceanside at a lovely sushi resaurant and enjoyed one last meal with Ouma before saying our goodbyes. I will miss both her and Seiphemo!

This is a picture of Ouma and I with Camps Bay behind us, the Atlantic Ocean is opposite of us.

As you can see, it is getting colder and winter-ier here, so I do welcome the return of summer in Minnesota and am looking forward to that. I also don't much enjoy being here essentially alone and would rather be here with all of the students with me. So I am looking forward to seeing my friends and co-workers and reconnecting with the students who traveled with me.

But some of the things I will miss:

Constant smiles and hugs from my friends in Guguletu
Waking up to walk outside my building and see the sun rising over the suburbs and mountains beyond them.
Caribbean Onion and Balsamic Vinegar potato chips (a note to Frito Lay: please start selling these in the US asap...thank you)
The student receptionist in my building who always answers my thank yous after letting me into he building by saying "it's a pleasure"
Listening to music and watching gospel dvds at Nelly's house
Pillow talk (inside joke)
The kids in Guguletu. All of them.
Xhosa church hymns
Unpasteurized cheese
Wondering where Elisa is (another inside joke)
Driving on the left-hand side of the road...it just simply is more fun
Breath-taking views in every direction no matter where you are standing
The students. The students. The students.
This could go on and on

So, for now, I must conclude and start packing. You will hear from me on the other side of the ocean I'm sure.

In conclusion, and I hope this doesn't come across as too smug because it isn't the goal, my heart is warm because this trip was a dream of mine from it's conception and I think that I can honestly say that this is the first time I have lived out a dream. And it was amazing. How do you say farewell to that? If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

Some more pictures

2008-06-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

Here are some random pictures over the course of our trip:

The entire group at Inverdoorn Game Reserve. They were nice enough to start a fire for us cuz we were really really cold.

Sarah, Laurie, Katie, Kate, Maryam, Hilary, and Trisha with some penguins behind them at Boulders Beach.

Nichole and one of Priscilla's kids enjoying lunch.

David being David. (Disclaimer: posing for this picture was my idea.)

Stella and one of the child refugees from Zimbabwe that we visited at the church in Belleville.

Sarah doing paper mache at Tembalethu with some of the kids.

Our "office postcard" we sent back to make everyone else in our office jealous. This is on our wine tour. Elisa, Hilary, Laurie, and Nate all work in my office.

The students working hard during lecture time at UCT. Our lectures were held in the Centre for African Studies.

Hilary tutoring Math (I think) at the Rainbow after school program at JL Zwane.

Nate and I on stage at church before the service started. For a long while, we stood there by ourselves and then finally others came to join us. Whew.

Luxury for the Privileged You

2008-06-14T01:59:00.001-07:00

I purchased a father's day gift for my Dad the other day (Hi Dad!), and the bag it was wrapped in proclaimed the words that title this post: Luxury for the Privileged You.

Granted, I don't want my father to get too excited about how luxurious his present is (though I will say it is comfy), but those words really startled me for a minute. Here is a bag telling me I'm privileged? What gives it that right?

But, dammit, the bag is right and it's throwing it right in my face. I am privileged.

In fact, two words that keep coming to mind about myself and my experiences that I need to remember more often in my life are Privilege and Opportunity. Does one afford the other? Most definitely.

I don't remember often enough the amenities I have in life. The ones I got without even asking or working for them. I grew up in a world that pretty much assumed I would get an education, that I would go to college, that I would have a career. A house. A car. A bank account. The faith of creditors to loan me money (silly creditors). I didn't fight for those things. In fact, I hate to say it, but I barely had to work for them.

Yes, I work hard. Most of the time. But, did I have to fight for my privileges? Absolutely not. I followed the path that was expected of me, laid out for me. And why? How did I get this path? There are the obvious things: I am American and we are rich country, the Land of Opportunity. I have a strong family that always supported me in whatever crazy thing I wanted to do next. I was part of a public school system that had resources, good teachers, programs to help me succeed.

And, I hate to say it, but I am white. I'm not ashamed of being white, but I can't help but feel the guilt that my skin color has afforded me privilege that I never once thought to question others aren't getting just because they aren't white.

And so because of all of the above--mostly handed to me on a silver platter--I have opportunity. And now I am asking myself, how do I use that to the benefit of the world, the community? I am reminded of the concept of Ubuntu. I exist because of others. So what do I do for others?

I would like to think this trip was a good start in answering that question, but it certainly can't be the end.

Privileged Me has a lot to think about now to actually deserve my Luxury.

So, the students right now should be in the air on their way to New York. It was sad to see them go yesterday. I stood and watched at the security gate until they were all out of sight, kind of in disbelief that they were leaving. I was in a bit of a daze for the rest of the day. Here is a picture of them getting ready to head to the airport.

The final group picture in South Africa. *sigh* It's over? Really?

Kate and I went to dinner last night on the Waterfront and I did a little shopping for my nephew...some luxury for the priviliged him. Kate asked me what sticks out to me most about this trip. And while I answered her (my answer: the last homestay night), I felt sad that I already couldn't remember all the moments.

So that's my thoughts for the moment. I will continue to update some more over the weekend.

Thanks for listening.

I am reminded of a Green Day song...

2008-06-13T00:12:00.000-07:00

So, first the final five students for you to meet:
Above is Katie. (First off, if you see Katie tell her you like her hair...she has a good story about getting it cut here.) I enjoy Katie's curiosity and lack of fear in anything she tries...thus her visit to the hair salon she ended up at....

This is TJ. Yesterday was TJ's birthday...that's why he is so decked out in his finest threads for the evening. TJ is another student (as with Sarah and Cole below) who have been part of this trip idea from it's original conception. TJ would always ask me on campus how the planning was going and I am again so happy he was able to join us on this trip.

Cole, above, almost didn't come on this trip to instead do an EMT training course...silly man. Luckily, he wised up. Cole is an artist and is making me a pair of shoes designed around our trip...any day now, Cole. :)

This is Sarah. Sarah graduated this spring! She has been bitten by the travel bug and had such great insights based on all of her experiences prior to this. I wouldn't be surprised if she isn't back in the US for a short amount of time before moving on to another adventure soon....

And last, but not least, Brian. If I had talked to you about Brian at the beginning of the trip, I would have called him the shy, pensive one in the group. He would have proven me wrong. Brian came out of his shell, and now I would call him the joker and all-around-smartass of the group. If you haven't checked out his blog, I suggest you do. He's quite a writer as well!

The group (except for Kate and myself) is currently packing and getting ready to head to the airport at noon today. Has 3 weeks really gone by? Really? That seems impossible to me. I guess when you compare the amount of time put into conceptualizing and planning something like this (we've been working on it for 2 years), 3 weeks is such a small number.

I am proud to say that I don't think we wasted a single minute of our time here. But still, it's over? Really?

An open note to the students who went on this trip:
I normally hate that song "Time of Your life" (Is that even the title?) by Green Day that is so common at graduations, etc. However, I can't think of a better sentiment to tell you. I hope you had the time of your life. I thank you for being part of this experience, for trusting me that it would happen and that it would be amazing. I thank you for pushing yourselves and challenging yourselves every step of the way. None of us are going home the same person we were when we left and I think the world will be better off because of that. I have 17 good friends in my life--and all of them young that make me feel young at heart--at home now. Ones who I have shared an experience with that has been at times deeply personal and deeply moving.

An open note to the parents and other important people in the lives of students who went on this trip:
Your son/daughter/friend is pretty darn amazing! When you see them, don't ask them "How was it?"...because they won't be able to answer you. Instead, ask them how they've changed, what changed them, what scared them, what surprised them, what are they taking away, what is most important for others to know that they witnessed, who impacted them, etc etc. Do that, and I think you'll be able to talk for hours...and they probably need your support to assimilate back into a world that hasn't changed much whereas they have changed immensely.

I don't know what else to say at this point. I'm simply sad that it's ending.

I still have 72 hours here, so this weekend you'll get a pretty good dose of my reflections and thoughts as I unwind and recall the events of the past 3 weeks.

It's over...really? I just can't believe it.

It's Permanent...Right?!?

2008-06-10T23:10:00.000-07:00

I view tattoos in a way for myself as hieroglyphics. In a sense, I like to get them (at this point about every 5 years) to remind myself of what was going on in my life at the time and to remember some aspects of it that I might not otherwise.

On Monday, a few of the students accompanied me on a trip to the tattoo shop in Cape Town, Metal Machine, where I got my third tattoo. I won’t tell you what it is or show it to you. I’ll just say it is pretty darn nice, in my opinion.

I will say that I have been thinking about what my next tattoo would be for a while now and the time and image for it never seemed right. And then it clicked as soon as I stepped foot here in May.

While part of me thinks tattoos are aesthetically pleasing and I like them on my arm so I can see them as much as other people, part of me really wants to see this tattoo. Because I really want to remember my time here just as it were…as much as that is possible. And tattoos don’t go away…so I won’t forget…right?

The past few days of the trip—in fact, since Sunday morning—have been very relaxed compared to the schedule prior. The only planned activity since Saturday has been class and a forced shopping trip downtown on Monday afternoon. Yesterday was totally free, as was Sunday.

And it is amazing to see how quickly we all snap back into our routines. It kinda sickens me a little.

You heard me complain last week about the low cost it would take to provide more food for Priscilla or others. I don’t even want to admit to you now the amount of money I have spent on souvenirs and gifts (and a tattoo) for myself and my friends/family. I kinda feel like a hypocrite.

I would wonder if the students do, too. In general, it is amazing how easy your body and thinking can snap back right into its prior shape when given the time and freedom to do so. And we haven’t even left the country yet!

I think all of us are scared as heck to come home. Not because we don’t’ want to see our families and friends. But because we are afraid that we can’t communicate to you what we have seen here and what it means to us in a way that you’ll get it. And that that would mean that we just revert back to who we were in Mid-may before coming, and I think for all of us that is the absolute last thing we want right now.

So I got a tattoo to help. And it’s permanent…right?

A few more students to meet! (You’ll meet the rest tomorrow)

This is Trisha. Trisha is the second of two students I did not know prior to this trip. I am thrilled Trisha decided to come with us. Her perspective on everything is a great addition to the group. This is us at the Tattoo parlor (note the Megadeth poster behind us…I think that is a requirement of any tattoo place anywhere in the world).

This is Nichole. I had her in my class last fall, and I think that her coming on this trip was a risk-taking opportunity for her and she continues to take risks while we are here. I appreciate that about Nichole. Here we are at the tattoo place, too.

Tomorrow is our last full day all together in South Africa. Myself and one (or maybe more) of the students are staying til Monday so the blogging will continue!

some more students for you to meet

2008-06-08T23:08:00.000-07:00

This is Maryam. Maryam and I have gotten to know each other pretty well over the past year as she was in my LeaderQuest program in the fall and my class in the spring. Maryam's cultural background adds a nice perspective to the trip! This is a picture of Maryam and I have lunch prior to going to Robben Island...we maybe would have made different lunch choices if we had known the boat would be so rocky!

This is the other Erin (or as she has been started to be called: "E" Erin--to differentiate us I guess). Erin cracks me up. She has a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor so I can relate to that. :) We are at Inverdoorn Game Reserve in this picture.

This is Laurie. I barely know Laurie. In fact, sometimes I barely remember who she is. Just kidding! Laurie worked for me for the past year and was in my class in the spring. We joke how we probably see each other too often. For a treat, check out her blog. Her thoughts on last week are way more intelligent than mine. This is a picture of us at our last homestay dinner in Gugs. This is obviously prior to me eating the pig eyeball or nose because I am still smiling.

This is Elisa and I at the wine reserve where you can pet Cheetahs. (I just can't get over that.) Elisa was in my class, will be one of my teaching assistants in the fall, and will also work for me for this coming year in my office. Elisa canceled a trip to Australia when she found out about this opportunity before it was even finalized, so I appreciate her willingness to trust me that this would work out.

I'll introduce you to more this week!

Pictures! Finally!

2008-06-08T22:50:00.001-07:00

Below are some images from the past week. These are just a few relating to things I have talked about. I have over 500 pictures on my computer.

The view from Robben Island back to Cape Town and Table Mountain.

Sarah, David, and Nate with a Giraffe standing behind them at Inverdoorn Game Reserve.

Our host mama! Nelly! This is first meeting her at Church last Sunday.

How the group looked after the first tour of the township.

One of Priscilla's kids using one the student's cameras. So cute.

Brian, Hilary, Elisa, and Erin showing off the sandwiches they made for Priscilla and her family.

Some of my students, with the help of the Tembaletu school students, cleaning up the preschool playground.

The students enjoying some wine tasting at that awful place where you could pet cheetahs (sorry, I just can't seem to keep my opinion about that to myself.)

There are many more to share, and I hope to upload them all when I have time. For now this will have to do!

...to excess

2008-06-08T10:00:00.000-07:00

I just put in my laundry for the evening (this became essential after spilling part of a shake at McDonalds all over my only halfway clean pair of pants at the mall this afternoon), and I met a lovely woman from Zimbabwe. She is hearing doing her PhD in Anthropology. She gave me her dryer to use when she is done. I love meeting new people.

A few of the students and I were on a hunt today (for what I cannot say because I said I wouldn't) and we stopped to take a break this afternoon on Long St. and just sit and chat and we were talking about how, during our time here, we are way more comfortable hanging out with black people than we are with white people (4 of us in the conversation were white, one was not). I'm not sure there's any conclusion to draw from that. It's just an observation.

A handful of the students I went to church this morning at JL Zwane. It was essentially our last chance to be in Gugs and at the Centre before the students depart (I have a few extra days so I may go to church again next week, as well). The service topped last weeks even. There were more people in attendance so the music was that much more moving and beautiful. Spiwo gave the sermon rather than some condescending and awful guy from Texas who was visiting who gave it last week. But there were two parts that stuck out to me:
1. Spiwo invited an HIV positive woman to come to the front and talk with the group about HIV/AIDS. She shared a story about how she was at a funeral in Khayelitsha yestersday--you may recall Khayelitsha from my rant in the previous blog. The woman had died of AIDS and, by the request of her family, didn't disclose her status until her death. In fact, the family was so ashamed of her being HIV positive that they tried to hold the funeral on a Thursday (funerals are ALWAYS held on Saturdays here) and upon moving it to Saturday at the request of others, held it early in the morning and it ended it as quickly as they could. The deceased's own family did this! The speaker encouraged those in the room with HIV+ loved ones to do all they could to care for those who are sick in their family and love them.
2. It was time for the prayer after the sermon. I bowed my head and was waiting for Spiwo to start the prayer, but his head was bowed too. Instead, I could hear a woman quietly speaking in a whisper (I thought she was just being rude at first) and slowly her voice got louder. And louder. And louder. And louder until she was practically yelling and then her voice started to get softer and softer again. It is hands down the coolest prayer I have ever heard in my life.
I also got to see Nelly one more time, as well as many other new friends who came up and hugged me and said their goodbyes.

After church I spent the afternoon with Hilary, Maryam, Jesse and Elisa first at Canal Walk (the awful Mall of America-type mall) and then Long Street. On long street at the Purple Turtle we got to talking about the trip and I shared how I have been thinking a lot lately about excess.

I think in our culture, we are basically taught to strive for excess. That excess is the goal. You should eat until you are about to burst. You should drink until you are ready to fall over. You should continue to upgrade your car until you have a Mercedes or a gas guzzling monstrosity like a Hummer. You should strive for a house with many bedrooms, bathrooms, a swimming pool, a 3 car garage.

I am beginning to form the opinion that striving for excess is what makes us ugly and miserable. You have heard us in our blogs comment on how the people of Gugs, though many had next to nothing, are as smiling and warm as can be. (Today was the first day I heard a child cry since I've been here and we have seen countless children for seven days straight.)But who can say that about the people we see everday in the US? I honestly don't think I can.

Are the people of Gugs striving for excess? I'm not sure, but if I were to bet on it I would say that I don't think so. I think they are striving to be happy. And happiness doesn't involve overdoing it. It simply involves making your day as complete as it can be. And, by definition, excessive is going on beyond complete. It is going over the edge.

So to our binge drinkers, our rising population of obese people, to our friends with mortgages they can't afford and cars they curse the price of gas to drive, I really want to ask you: are these things really making you warm and happy? (And yes, I can point this line-of-questioning-finger back at myself too in many ways.)

When I was growing up, I had a Garfield poster on my wall with him standing in front of a mansion and a big car and fancy sports equipment and a nice stereo and many other things. The caption read, "He with the most toys wins" or something like that. I don't think that's true. I actually think he with the most toys loses. Loses out on a lot.

The Elephant in the Room

2008-06-07T11:03:00.000-07:00

When the students applied to come on this trip, I asked them to submit a few songs that they like to listen to when in a pensive or reflective mood. I then picked a song from each student and created a cd for each of us of songs to reflect to. It turned out to be a pretty kick-ass cd. A few of my personal favs on it that I think you should check out:
--Out Loud by Dispatch
--Change by Tracy Chapman
--Umbrella by Marie Digby
--The Heart of Life by John Mayer
--Luckiest Man by The Wood Brothers
--Fix You by Coldplay
--Angels by Robbie Williams (my pick for the cd)

And "This Is Your Life" by Switchfoot. Brian picked it for the cd and I was just listening to it. I love that song. Gives me a lot to think about.

I have been rather ill today. I felt fine when I woke up this morning. I did join the students for a night out on the town last night, though I was a good boy and left rather early. Nevertheless, we filed into our minibus to take off on our winelands tour and I immediately became carsick and my stomach churned all day long. It is still churning right now. The only thing I have been able to eat all day is bread.

I was frustrated today. For most of the day, I thought it was because I was really unable to enjoy our day together in a beautiful part of South Africa. For the winelovers out there, I'm not sure you could top some of the areas we visited today. The last one was kinda touristy (they had a cheetah area where for 80 rand--12 bucks or so--you could go in and pet the cheetahs...what the hell does that have to do with wine?) but overall it was a beautiful day and I think everyone else enjoyed themselves.

But I was honestly miserable. As I sit and ponder it, I think I'm emotionally and mentally rundown as much as I am physically ill. The events of the past week have been quite something. I wouldn't change them for the world.

On our way to the winelands today, we drove the N2 highway past Gugs and then Khayelitsha, the second largest township in South Africa. Over a million people and most of them in shacks and an HIV rate I have heard estimated to be as high as 25% of the population if not higher. The shacks of Khayelitsha are literally no more than a few feet away from the N2. Then we turned off of it and 20 minutes later we are in wine country. Cheetahs to pet and all.

On our ride home today, I wondered what the human capacity is to ignore a problem that is directly in front of you. I mean, we all do it at some point or another...the elephant in the room. The booger someone has hanging out of their nose and you don't tell them even though they would no longer look like an ass. The avoided conflict with a coworker that causes tension with everyone else in the office. Avoiding the guy you owe money to simply because you don't want to pay him. Those are elephants in the room that make us uncomfortable but yet we endure them. We ignore them.

So, how big does the Elephant need to get? I would love to pull over the cars exiting the vineyard with us this afternoon and quiz them:
--On your way back home to Cape Town, did you see the horrible, rusty, rundown shacks along the highway? What did you think about that?
--Did this visual sight do anything to make you think twice about the wine samples you just enjoyed? The 80 rand you paid to pet a frickin' cheetah at a vineyard?
--Did you know that 80 rand would be enough to get transportation for an unemployed person in the township you just passed to find a job? Or put food on the table for a meal or two? Or heat their home?
It would be at this point that if I were ever actually able to have this conversation that I might feel the need to slap said interviewee.

So what is the human capacity to ignore a problem? Or is it limitless? Ugh, if that's the case, I'm definitely depressed.

I was telling the students that I purposefully planned the wine trip for this weekend and immediately after our enriching township experience to see what it felt like to again flip to the other side of the social barometer coin. I don't know what they thought, but I think it literally made me sick.

Untitled Part 4 of 4

2008-06-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

So I sit now back at my desk at the University of Cape Town. I can see the maid has been here and straightened for me. She even stacked my coins in little corresponding columns for each coin.

Today, we didn't have presenters. Instead we spent the majority of our day at Tembaletu, the school I visited the first week here for physically challenged kids from the townships. (Tembaletu means "Our Hope.") Our goal of the day was simply to serve the school and students however we could. Remember the lawnmowers? They went to the school. Some students also helped with painting and art class, assisted with filing, assisted in the speech therapy room, cleaned the basketball court of glass (kids come and hang out on it after school and break bottles).

Before all of that, though, we got quite the reception. The entire school gathered in the cafeteria to welcome us. We introduced ourselves (they clapped any time the students said they wanted to play basketball or soccer), and then the school choir sang for us. Unbelievable.

We then went to work. The preschool playground was so overrun and dirty that students were afraid of it. We fixed that. It is now pristine, grass cut, and litter free. The students were out playing before we even left and seemed so happy. The basketball court is free of glass. The kids in their wheelchairs were shooting hoops better than I ever could!

What I didn't realize until it was all over is that they thought we were taking the grass cutters when we left. I explained to the principal that I got them for her to keep and she started to cry. So, of course, I started to cry.

They then treated us to sandwhiches and songs of thanks as the day ended. I can't think of a better ending to a perfect week if I tried.

So, after some wrap up at JL Zwane and after saying our thank yous and good byes to Edwin, Mama and her books, Spiwo, Paul, and everyone else, we are back in Cape Town. And it feels weird. It doesn't feel like home. For the past 4 days, I don't think I could have felt more comfortable if I saw sitting in my own house. It's funny, isn't it?

I wonder how welcome I make people feel. I'm not sure I'm that good at it. But the people of Guguletu are.

I was introduced this week to the word and concept of Ubuntu. As I understand it, Ubuntu is inherent in the culture here and it basically means that you exist for others, you are part of a community, you are a part of a whole. I love it.

When Trisha asked the other day what we are taking home, I said that I want to be warmer to people. I think that I--upon first meeting people or meeting them again after a while--start off cold and skeptical. I don't know why. But I know now that I don't like it. I want to be warm. I want to exist for others and I want others to exist for me.

These past 4 entries are only about 10% of the whole story. But it is what sticks out to me right now. We will continue to process and share over the coming week as we wrap up our time here.

Tomorrow we head out for a winelands tour. It just seems odd now. I find solace in the fact that I haven't fully said goodbye to Guguletu or JL Zwane yet. I and some of the students plan to go back for church on Sunday. I can't hardly wait.

More to come.

Untitled Part 3 (this is a long one)

2008-06-06T08:21:00.000-07:00

I would without a doubt call Thursday of this week the "turning point" in the student experience on this trip. Something shifted on Thursday. A way of thinking, a way of knowing, a way of going about your daily life. Something changed for all of us. And for good reason.

An interesting thing about the speakers on Thursday (and this wasn't planned that way necessarily): The two gentleman that spoke, Laurie and Deon, were the first two white people who have talked with the class. It was a great perspective. Both are Afrikaaner men (those associated with Apartheid) and ministers in the Dutch Reformed Church (the main denomination to rationalize Apartheid spiritually). And both have gone through transformative experiences in their own lives to come to terms with the past of their church and their own racial identity and both now do extraordinary things to benefit both black and white communities.

I found Laurie particularly interesting. Laurie is gay and he was in a same-sex relationship that was discovered by the church. Essentially, they wanted to suspend him and take away his rights as a minister. That decision was granted, and Laurie appealed it. He won his appeal. Most notably, I found it interesting that he would want to fight so hard and for so long (the appeal took two years and just concluded a year ago)to remain in a faith and church that didn't agree with who he was. He talked about sticking with it because he wants to change it, be part of a new experience in that particular denomination.

Interesting side note that came up when talking with Laurie. In America, there is still a stigma that AIDS is a "gay" disease and that the majority of those who have it are gay. (While that may be true in some areas, it is not true by any means for populations where rates are raising...in America, it is straight black males who are seeing alarmingly climbing rates in HIV infection). Anyhow, in South Africa, the stigma is quite different. The "face" of someone with AIDS in South Africa is a Black straight woman.

Once our speakers for the morning were finished, the group had some time to discuss. It was Trisha's turn to ask the question of the day, and she asked the students what they hope to bring home from their experience. Again, a proud teacher moment during their responses. Many talked about how they want to take home the warmth we are feeling. In particular, Kate became emotional as she talked about how the people we have visited have next to nothing (or literally nothing) and still have huge smiles on their faces, warm hugs, and seem to be enjoying life to its fullest. But we don't always do that.

It was at this point that Kate brought up another idea. After visiting Priscilla's house yesterday, she noticed a few things: no toilet paper in the bathroom, the shabby sleeping conditions, no tampons or feminine hygiene items for the teenage girls. You may remember me mentioning in my first blog post about Priscilla how Edwin from JL Zwane got a bid for how much it would cost to redo the back rooms of her house. Well, he told Kate about this and Kate posed it to the group that we should help with that.

In fact, the group has decided to double it. They have committed to raising $1000 per person (me included) for a total of $18,000 to provide for a better quality of life for Priscilla and her family. And, dammit, we have a responsibility to do so. As the students pointed out, if we left here and did nothing, what good would our trip be? As leaders we have a commitment to what we see and this seemes like a tangible way to get started.

So, you heard it here first. $18,000. For a grandmother raising her own family and 12 orphans who lost their parents to AIDS. To give her a suitable home. To give her items to improve her quality of life. To make her big smile even bigger and warmer than it already is. If you wanna donate, you know how to find me. And you know that your donation is going to something that is personally meaningful to 18 people who were just at that house on Wednesday.

In the afternoon, Edwin took us to a church in Belleville (a suburb of Cape Town...it was our first time in 72 hours that we left the township...it felt weird...) where they were housing refugees how had been banished from their homes in the recent xenophobic attacks. Many that we met were from Zimbabwe, and they were SO HAPPY to us. As the director told us, it means a lot to them to have visitors because they need to know that people don't want them to leave. That they are welcome in South Africa. Yep, I teared up again.

While I know it has provided some of your grief and worry that we are here while there has been violence going on, I am happy we are. To see these current events and be exposed to them in person is profound. These refugees have done nothing wrong. They came here to make a better life. And they are being persecuted for trying to be free. How messed up is that? A man named Sign, spoke with us. He is from Zimbabwe and his whole family is there without him. He doesn't know where they are anymore and he doesn't have the money to get back home. Sign is one of tens of thousands of people with similar stories.

Thursday night was our final dinner for our homestay evenings, and we went out with a bang! First off the meal. Some of you know about my weird food phobia where I don't like to eat things that look like they actually are (lobster, shrimp, etc.) and I met my worst nightmare last night: A smiley. A smily is a pig or sheep's head. In this case it was a pig's head...well, to be more exact one half of a pig's head. It is a delicacy in the townships and no part goes uneaten...eyes, ears, nose, tongue, etc. And it is called a smiley because when it is barbecued, it's mouth curls like a smile. Well, I am proud to say I tried it. 3 different parts of it: the eye, the nose (which still had hair on it...gross), and the jaw. Unfortunately, I cannot say I enjoyed it. In fact, I pretty much couldn't finish my dinner after trying it. And had trouble eating meat today. I may have to become a vegetarian because of the smiley.

In addition to our usual dance party, last night we got serious about our visit. Edwin asked us to share with our hosts and they with us what our experiences meant. And oh boy did the room get emotional. I don't think I can put it in words, but what we shared was personal and meaningful and beyond the expectations of either ourselves or our hosts. Again, you could FEEL the emotion. And it bonded us. ALL of us.

I never in my life thought that I could say that I have a home in a black township in South Africa, but you know what? I can now say that. I could go to Nelly's or any of the other "mama's" houses in my travels in the future and they would welcome me in unconditionally without question. I have doubt. And you know what? I would do the same for them. And I hope to some day.

But the night wasn't over yet! Nelly, Unathi, Nate and I headed back to Nelly's place for our usual routien of Milo, rusks, music and dancing. But a few other highlights. First, Unathi drew my tattoo design that I am getting next week (you'll have to be surprised!).

Second, I had a chance to sit down with Nelly and talk one-on-one. First off, Nelly is my "mama" here but she is only a year older than I. And, I learned last night we had eerily similar experiences in the deaths of our mothers. Not only that they died of cancer, but in how we handled it, how it affected us, what it meant to our lives.

Sadly, I also learned that Nelly has cancer. Well, hopefully not anymore. She was diagnosed with a type of bone cancer in December and just ended her chemo treatment a few weeks back. She will do a scan in a few weeks to determine if the cancer is gone.

If you are a person who prays, please pray for Nelly. She's my new "mama" and I want her to be healthy.

Untitled...Part 2

2008-06-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

When planning this trip to South Africa for the past 6 months since my previous visit, I had a pretty good method in my head of how I wanted things to flow and so far that has worked out the way I wanted. However, I also thought I had a good handle on what it would feel like in that flow. Jesus, I had no idea. I will only speak from my point of view and let the students speak for themselves, but on Wednesday and Thursday of this week I can honestly say I FELT the emotion of the group. It was thick in the room, it was static between us. If that sounds weird then so be it. Because it's true.

Nelly and her friend got up to go to work very early, so Nate and I were alone waiting to be picked up to go to the Centre. Therefore, Nelly left us her key. Simple instructions to use the keys to lock up, but she also gave the warning to not answer the door for anyone but Xolani, the driver from JL Zwane. So, Nate's in the kitchen while I am getting ready and a man comes and knocks on the kitchen door (I should also mention the kitchen door is boarded shut because it had been broken into once before). Nate even makes eye contact with him, but we don't recognize him so we ignore him. He lingers in the front yard, then goes back and knocks on the kitchen door again. Then he lingers some more. Then he rings the front doorbell a few times. I was honestly starting to get a little nervous. Then, Xolani shows up to pick us up. Turns out the guy did plaster work for Nelly and wants to borrow a ladder or something. Then I feel stupid. Oh well. No harm done. Other than two Americans ignoring a guy knocking and ringing a doorbell for a half hour.

Wednesday morn brought a few more speakers. Most notably, I want to give a shout out to Paul. Paul volunteers at JL Zwane. He organized our homestay transport, he took us on our township tour on Monday, he took us to home visits on Tuesday, and he taught the group the Chicken Dance. Nope not the one you see at weddings. You'll just have to see it in person.

But we didn't know Paul's background until Wednesday. His personal story is powerful. He grew up in Gugs and in his teenage years became involved in a gang. Gangs were more prevalent at the time (90s I am assuming) than now though they still are around today. Through his street life with the gang, he was involved in some pretty bad things: carjacking, robbery, etc. Those bad things eventually landed him in jail for almost 10 years. After being in jail he went through a period of depression (trying to kill himself twice) and despair and didn't know what to do. Spiwo from JL Zwane drew him to the Centre and the church and he found a new passion and calling for working with at-risk kids and also speaks to schools about his past and helping kids avoid a life of crime and violence. I must say Paul took to our group quite well (Brian and David also stayed with him for homestays) and he hopes to visit us some day. Thank you, Paul, for everything you did this week.

After another fabulous JL Zwane lunch provided by Mama and her staff, we headed off to Priscilla's house to make lunch for her and her kids (12 of them are living there...I incorrectly said 14 before)she took in who are orphaned due to AIDS. Laurie in our group also had some money from donations left over so she bought about a $100 worth of toys to bring along. The goal of the afternoon was to basically hang out at their house, take the burden off of Priscilla to have to provide a meal and give it for her, and give the kids and her a memorable afternoon.

I was overwhelmed. The excitement of Priscilla's kids. The smiles of my students in playing and making food. I was happy at first, and then--about a half hour into feeding them lunch--I got sad. And kinda angry. Basically, it cost me about $30 to buy lunch items to feed 20 people (yes, there were some neighbor kids who joined in on the fun). $30 DOLLARS! That's it. On most days, Edwin told us, if Priscilla is short for the month she will need to leave the kids at home and find odd jobs to do to make enough money to provide food.

Driving back from her house...it was interesting. I can't remember the song that the driver put on, but I think he did it on purpose. It was slow, pensive, emotional. And we're driving and I just see people everywhere, kids in the street, run down houses, litter on the roads, still thinking about Priscilla and $30. It is such a clear car ride in my head. It was so profound...I almost feel like the driver planned it that way.

I held it in until we got back to the Centre, and then I was talking to Nate and I kinda broke. I needed to leave the group for a while and recompose myself. It just tugged at my heart. Thirty bucks. I hate to say it, but I spend that on cigarettes in a week probably. Ugh. It made me sick to think of the ways I could burn through $30 when it made this woman and her children's day to do that for them. But it's just one meal and a few hours for one afternoon. I sit here wondering on a Friday afternoon what did she do today? Did the kids get food today? Did she have to scramble or ask for a loan?

I wasn't the only one affected...the students have a plan...more to come on that in Part 3.

Wednesday night's dinner provided quite the dance party! South African women (of any age, mind you) know how to get down. And aren't shy about it! It was quite fun to watch (and, yeah, take part a little bit).

After the dance party, we parted ways with a prayer. Being I had said grace before dinner the night before (yet another sign that somewhere pigs are definitely flying), Brian volunteered to do it. I teared up again. Just hearing him thank the families for making us feel so welcome and warm...my emotions were definitely still raw from the afternoon. And that wouldn't let up any time soon.

Untitled...Part 1

2008-06-06T07:31:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this post doesn't have a title because there isn't any kinda quirky catchphrase in my head that would really do justice to the experiences of the last four days. Instead, I'll write an entry for each day. These entries are not a chronological order of events, nor are they all encompassing of all that we experienced. They are my highlights. The things that stand out to me. But I will say--and this is not an exaggeration:

This week has been hands down, without a doubt, no kidding you the most profound and positive week of my life.

So Tuesday. Tuesday was our second full day in Gugs and our first day of our eventual homestays. Before we got to those however it was a hectic day.

I'm trying to live on what I've heard called "African time." African time means, from what I can tell, that in many instances you might as well just throw the itinerary away and go with the flow of the day. I don't need to get in to the details, but logistics became screwed up, times were off by a few hours or more for our plans, and for the morning part of the day, I was flipping out about it. Interally anyhow. Honestly, I was a little bit angry. Part of me was thinking, "Don't these people know we have a schedule? We have a lot to fit in a short time and if we don't the experience isn't going to be the same?"

Then I stepped back. I was wrong. I was looking at our day through the eyes of my time in my own office at the U of M. Not fair to the people around me. They don't change for me. I adapt to learn and understand their culture. So I just let it go. Sure lunch was 2 hours late, but we still had it and it we got a lot done before then. There may even have been speaker who showed up that I didn't know about but he turned out to be wonderful and a great perspective. "Go with the flow" became our mantra for the week, and--you know what?--it worked! We got from point A to point B and we did it one step closer to the eyes of the people we were surrounded by and not through our own judgemental senses.

It was kind of a heavy day. the speakers were two people I had met previously: Yvonne, the Director of Ministries who works with children in crisis and families in need. Story after story of poverty, death, disease, hunger, etc. It was tough to listen to at times, but she is a strong woman. Amazing woman actually. Same goes for our second speaker: Nombeko. Nombeko is a rape survivor (she pointed out the window of our classroom to the spot she was raped) and is living with HIV because of it. But, I guarantee you, her smile is bigger and her outlook brighter than anyone reading this. So don't feel bad for her. She wouldn't want you to.

In the afternoon, we visited some houses and dropped off donations that the students had brought along. All were orphaned children whose parents had died of AIDS. All of them. The conditions were pretty poor in a few of the places, but they welcome us--18 Americans--into their small houses and shacks with open arms.

At 5:00, it was time to begin our homestays. We had no idea what we were in for!! Our nightly ritual for the 3 nights consisted of the following:
--All of us going to one house for dinner hosted by one of the "Mamas" hosting us.
--Eating a lot...sometimes interesting things (more about that in Part 3)
--Dance Party!!!! Yeah, I even danced a bit. Just a bit. Though I hear there is video of me dancing to prove it...

Finally, the night ended with Nelly and her friend Unathi taking Nate and I to Nelly's house to sleep. First we sipped on Milo (like hot chocolate but so much better) and ate rusks (like biscotti but SO MUCH better) while Nelly played us some music and dvds of gospel concerts. Seriously, the two women never stopped dancing or singing. I even commented that Nelly's life seems like one big dance party.

Day one of our full-day stays in Gugs really set the stage for a few very emotional, eye-opening and heartfelt days to follow, but I had no idea how rich the experience would be.

"Leaders Know Better"

2008-06-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

I was flipping through my notes from the day, and the quote above that titles this blog stuck out at me. It was said by Spiwo Xapile, the Reverend and Director of the JL Zwane Community Centre where we spent our day. I honestly can't remember the context in which he said it, but it sticks out to me. Leaders know better...better than what? In what way? How do you know you know better? I'm not sure. Nevertheless, I like the quote...and I actually agree. Hmph. I need to sit on that for a while.

Anyhow, we spent our first full day in Guguletu today. Gugs, as the locals term it, will be our home for the next week. The morning included a few lecturers, Spiwo as referenced above and Kenneth Lukoko from the Community Healing Project for the Institute for Truth and Reconciliation. These are talked over a lot in the student blogs, so I will not repeat at this point. I will, however, say that this trip is getting more complex as is the conversation. The students are starting to wrestle (I'll add myself to that list, as well) with what they are hearing and what they are seeing and what that all means.

The ever important and often taboo topic of race came up today. Again, the phrase that sparked it is discussed in other blogs, but I really think racial identity and what that means and how you relate to people from a different race than yourself was thrust into our face this morning. I recall these same internal conversations from my previous trip. You canNOT come to South Africa and not wrestle with your own racial identity. If you do, you're turning a blind eye to the world around you.

I've gotta be honest with you: I was really looking forward to today. In particular, I was really looking forward to the moment we took the students out into Gugs, past the main roads, past the nice and colorful walls of JL Zwane. I wanted to see their initial reaction to the shacks, to the dirt yards and fields that seem to go on for miles, to the massive amount of people and winding roads that seem to go on and on.

Again, I am not able to post pictures, but I snapped a shot of the students upon returning from our trek around the parts mentioned above and a picture truly speaks a thousand words. Confused faces, alarmed, tired, sad, not really sure what to think. Those are the expressions I read on their faces. I can relate. I feel the same way.

I don't have to put tires on the roof of my house to keep it from flying off in high wind. I don't have to worry about my house burning down because the only thing I have to heat it is parafin. I don't have to walk down the street to use the bathroom and hope that it hasn't overflowed because the city hasn't come by to empty it yet this week. I don't have to go to the community well for water because I don't have a sink or faucet in my house. I don't have to...I don't have to.

Meanwhile, 10 minutes down the road people are shopping at Gucci, there is a BMW showroom/museum. 10 minutes down the road, I have a nice apartment for visiting faculty where a maid makes my bed everyday, washes my dishes, picks up my clothes and folds them, and my rental car is parked in a covered parking spot. 10 minutes down the road the students are living in a house with a large marble shower in a 4 bedroom house and high fences and beautiful gardens. 10 minutes down the road, I saw a woman leave KFC take two bites of her chicken and proclaim it too cold and throw it on the ground.

Leaders know better. Better than what? In what way? Do I know better?

Wow was that ever a tangent and soapbox. This week we will learn a lot. One of my favorite moments of the day (besides the FABULOUS lunch we had...it was like Thanksgiving dinner) was watching the students as they worked with the kids in the afterschool program. Again, I have some great pictures I hope to show you soon.

One thing that is somewhat of a revelation to me on this trip is the ability of people with no similar backgrounds whatsoever to relate to each other with simple gestures. A handshake. A smile. A warm hello. Really, it doesn't take much. I think too often we view "others" different from us or in another part of the world as unreachable. It's just not true. Watching the students today, they had those kids engaged in their studies. They were laughing, reading, doing math, and there was no hesitancy...and none on the part of the teachers, as well.

I have a lot on my mind tonight about today and I can't quite get it out (as is evident by the blog post). I will just leave it at this: I am proud and humble. Proud to be here. Proud of my students for being willing to pretty much throw themselves into the unknown and know how to work the situation. Humble because I think I can do better. Humble because I am not sure I realize my whole potential even 10% of the time. And I have been afforded the opportunity and ability to do so.

Gosh, I'm all over the place tonight. Seiphemo took me shopping for food that we will use to make lunches for Priscilla and her 14 foster kids as well as her family on Wednesday (see blog post from last Monday to learn about who she is). We went to a mall called Century City that rivals the Mall of American in size and ridiculousness of excess and, well, stuff. Again, 10 minutes away. 10 minutes. (Family and friends: if you get no souvenirs I apologize...I may have spent all my money on lawnmowers and food.)

10 minutes.

Leaders know better.

Dammit, I have a lot to think about tonight.

We are starting our homestays tomorrow evening. Therefore, I won't be updating you until Friday night or maybe even Saturday night (we are doing a Winelands tour on Saturday). My plan is to write a note each night as if I'm putting it on here so you can get my thoughts as I experience them. I am looking forward to staying with Nelly and learning about her life and just being neighbors in this community for a few days. I am very lucky.

More to come.

Whew! We've been busy! And I hit a wall (not literally)...

2008-06-01T07:15:00.000-07:00

So I had a really nice streak for a while going there of writing every morning in this online journal, and it felt like a good groove...but that kind of went by the wayside the past few days! Sorry for being out of touch! Between friday morning and now (other than a short blurb on here at 4:30 a.m. yesterday), I literally have not been home other than to sleep. So below is a pretty long detailing of our events in the past few days and my thoughts on them. You'll hear about seasickness, animals, me speaking in church (a sure sign of pigs flying somewhere), and my first big purchase since arriving (a few lawnmowers) among other things. And, I apologize, but my internet is wacky and I don't have access to the office so I cannot upload pictures. I hope to soon for you.

Friday

Friday was our second lecture of the class, with a gentleman named Steven Nakana. The students again loved him. So much so in fact that most of them met him out for drinks and to hear a live band on Friday night...See: I told you they weren't shy! I did not go with but it sounds like I really missed out according to their accounts of the evening.

Our Friday afternoon was spent sailing to and touring around Robben Island. This was very exciting for me as Robben Island was completely booked the last time I was here in Novemeber. It is a very popular attraction, but--unlike Disney World or the Mall of America--rightfully deserves the visitors it gets. Robben Island, in a nutshell, was a prison for political dissidents during Apartheid. The most notable inmate was of course Nelson Mandela for 20 (I think) of his years he spent in prison. Robben Island is 8 kilometers from Cape Town by boat, and those are a bumpy 8 kilometers! Just after leaving the harbor, we were having flashbacks to our seal island experience from the day before but at least this time we were smart enough to be inside. The boat tipped and swayed rather dramatically for the entire trip. Being we had just had a Cape Malay lunch, this didn't sit well with some of the students. Poor Stella looked like she was turning all colors of the rainbow. For better or worse, we made it to our destination about 45 minutes later.

Our tour around the Island was led by an ex-prisoner. Forgive me but I can't remember his name. He was imprisoned for 7 years for bombing a government building. Kate asked him why he now wants to spend time at the very same prison he was incarcerated in. He talked very eloquently about reconciliation. How it is important to move on from the past and make new meaning of things. He even talked about now going out to drinks with guys who used to be guards while he was a prisoner. Amazing.

Also, I took what I am proud to say is my best photograph I think I have ever taken: a picture of Cape Town and Table Mountain from the coast of Robben Island. I hope to share it with you soon.

Unfortunately, while on Robben Island was the first time I hit a wall on this trip in that I could not take in any more information and I could not process anything beyond what was already in my head. My brain was full, and it needed time to regurgitate the stuff in it before anything new could get in. I'm a little disappointed in myself today because that means I didn't get everything out of the experience that I was excited for. And that's my own fault.

While the students went home and got ready to go out with Steven, I--being the old man on the trip--went to bed knowing that I needed my sleep and processing time before waking up at 4 a.m. to head to the Inverdoorn Game Reserve for our safari.

Saturday

I last left you about to go wake up the students and take off for the nature reserve. Thankfully, all were up and (kind of) ready to go when I got there. We left on time and made the almost 3 hour bus trek north and west to the park.

I should mention that it was COLD. Now, we're Minnesotans, and we can usually handle cold. But we were all uncomfortable. The park was foggy when we got there and it is in a more arid inland area of the country so it was even colder there. I'd guess high 40s or so upon arrival. I should also mention that, while we were warned, none of us truly brought the right kind of clothing for cold weather. I think most of us figured, hey, it's Africa! How cold can it get? (Pretty darn cold.)

I have hundreds of pictures to share with you from the game reserve so allow me to just try to compose my highlights for now:
--Driving up in our safari car with our guide Grant to a fence near some cheetahs. I say, "we're not really going in there, are we?" Yep. We drove right in with the cheetahs and they stood no more than 15 feet away as we snapped pictures of them. Beautiful creatures.
--Getting out of the car and walking with the giraffes. There were points when some of the students are no more than 10 feet or so from them. I have a great picture of Sarah, Nate, and David with a giraffe behind them chomping high on a tree.
--Springboks! Funniest. Animals. Ever. (Ok, except maybe penguins.) They look like deers but hop kind of like rabbits. Hysterical.
--Erin, Nate, TJ, and myself sprang an extra 240 Rand (about 30 bucks) to ride quadbikes, i.e. 4-wheelers, through the game reserve! I was windblown, mud-covered and a tad bit slow compared to the other three but it stands out as one of the most memorable things I have done.

I can't wait to share the pictures. It was a truly great experience to be that close to animals I normally only see in zoos.

We made the three hour trek back to Cape Town and immediately got ready to go out for Nate's birthday dinner. There ended up only being about 45 minutes between the time we arrived back and the time we needed to leave again so I just hung out with the students. I didn't get the downtime I needed. Therefore, I didn't really enjoy the dinner that much. That wall from yesterday was still looming in front of me. We went to an African restaurant, Marcos, complete with a band and everything and I just couldn't enjoy it. I am so happy for our day off today.

Today

The suspense and curiosity for today has been building up for a long time. Today was our first day in Guguletu, the township just outside of Cape Town where we will be spending the next week. There were really only two purposes to today: 1) attend a church service at the JL Zwane Centre just to see what it is like and 2) to meet our host families whom we will stay with from Tuesday until Friday. Initally, this was not a scheduled part of the trip, but I kinda wanted to check out the service so I checked with the students to see if any were interested. Every single student wanted to go, so we made a group event out of it.

First, we met our host families at the Centre. I saw Titi, my host from last time who Laurie and Sarah will be staying with this time. I also met the host for Nate and myself, Nelly. Nelly is just about our age and is a social worker. She seems really cool and fun and sarcastic. I think the three of us will get along well!

Edwin, the coordinator, instructed us to sit with our hosts for the service where they usually sit. Well, Nelly is one of the musical leaders so that meant that we were to sit with her on stage behind the pulpit overlooking the congregation. Nate and I kinda laughed but I think both of us were a tad bit nervous about it. We were sitting between the people who lead the others in song, which is sung almost completely in Xhosa and without any music to follow along to. Plus, they also really get into it: dancing, clapping, with rhythm that this White Boy just doesn't have. But we gave it a go and we had fun! After a while I could even start to follow the Xhosa words in the hymnal. My neighbor standing next to me was very impressed.

In the middle of one of the songs, the Minister Spiwo came over to me and asked if I would come up to the microphone and say a few words about our group and our time in Guguletu. I kind of wondered if this might happen, but it made me quite nervous! Spiwo actually cut the song off to introduce me and have me speak. I'm trying to remember what I said, but it was so spur of the moment. I think I simply told the congregation that we were looking forward to joining their community for the week, to learn how we can be good leaders for our neighbors not only in Minneapolis but our neighbors in Guguletu, as well. That we want to do our part to make positive change in our communities and theirs. Something like that. Whew. It was a bit nerve-racking but I was proud of myself when it was over!

The church service, by the way, is something I highly recommend the next chance you get. I don't care if you're Christian, Jewish, Atheist, whatever. It was amazing to feel the pulse of the room. The beat of the music. The intensity of the singing. The deep harmonies heard everywhere in the room. I had tears welling up on several occasions. There is something about Guguletu that carries a special emotion with me. I don't quite understand it. Maybe it's because of the students. Maybe it is because of the issues they face. I'm not an emotional person, but from the minute Edwin began introducing host families to us today, I was always feeling my eyes filled with water.

After the service was done, we said goodbye to our hosts for now. As I mentioned, starting tomorrow we will be at JL Zwane every day this week and our adventures will be quite interesting, I assure you.

Speaking of which, I am going to make my first large South African purchase since I have been here: a few lawnmowers for Tembaletu, the school for physically-challenged children. As I mentioned last week, their grass is so long that the playground is unusable. My small part will be to get them a few lawnmowers and this week will cut their grass for them and make their playground fun again. And they can hopefully continue on with that themselves once we are gone.

This week is going to be amazing. I need to find a new synonym for that word, but that's what it's going to be. All of us can't wait to share with you what we see and experience, though some it will not be fun to see/experience and may not be easy to tell. But it's important. It's important for us to know. It's important for us to tell you so you know. As I mentioned these our are neighbors. You can't see them from your backdoor or your porch, but they are part of your world and it's important for you to know what you can do to make your neighbors' lives better.

More to come (and pictures soon I promise)!

I might be addicted...

2008-05-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

...to blogging that is. It is 4:30 a.m. in Cape Town and I am about to go wake up the students so we can take off for our safari. However, I am used to writing an entry on here every morning that it feels weird not to...kinda like having your morning cup of coffee, I guess!

Anyhow, you can expect a full update on my thoughts of our experiences yesterday (amazing lecturer, Robben Island) and today (safari in a wildlife reserve) this evening! In the meantime, check out the student blogs. Their thoughts are getting a bit more complex and beyond their honeymoon stage...

Rainy Days Don't Always Get Me Down

2008-05-29T23:09:00.001-07:00

You know, it’s amazing how often one can let the weather determine the mood of the day. Like somehow temperature or the amount of precipitation in the air has some control over attitude or behavior or where we choose to go and what we choose to do with ourselves. I can safely say that I did not let weather take control of my behavior and actions yesterday. I think I have said this before, but I had the time of my life on our excursion to Cape Point.

It started out calm and mild—the weather and the tour. We boarded a small bus around 8:30 a.m. to tour our way around the city down the western coast of the Cape Peninsula (the Atlantic Ocean) and up the eastern coast (False Bay and the waters of the Indian Ocean). We stopped for pictures in Camps Bay. Here you can see that the threat of perhaps some rain begins to loom, but then it seems to subside again.

I was very excited about our next stop because I did not experience it last time I was here. We boarded a boat in Hout Bay to ride out to an island where seals lounge and hang out. Again it started out nice enough. Calm, sunny, we stationed ourselves outside on the back of the boat.

Just as we exit the harbor and start heading into the open waters of the bay and the ocean, it gets a little bumpier. Big waves and then bigger…I would guess we were rocked back and forth and up and down over 6 or 7 foot waves. We were all holding on to the railings, scrambling to put our rain jackets on, but at this point were not smart enough to go inside the boat. No, instead we moved to a platform a little further up that had a cover over it. Then, the horizontal rain started (a mix of wind and pelts of water that end up going sideways) and we finally got smart enough to get inside but not before getting a bit soaked.

And a bit seasick for some of the students. But it was fun! I have never been so wet (well, until later in the day) but I was laughing and clapping and having a great time. I don’t know why. I think it was just one of those moments that you know will stick out to you years from now of something silly/slight exciting that you did.

From there we ventured to Boulders Beach to see the Penguins in Simons Town (these are well-document in the student blogs I’m guessing—many were big fans of the penguins). One thing I noticed: Penguins trip a lot. They don’t seem to have very good balance or something. Something they and I have in common I suppose. This was also the first time many students had seen the waters of the Indian Ocean and needed a break to at least wade and play on the beach. (Yes it was quite sunny again.)

And then we headed down to Cape Point. One of my favorite spots I’ve ever seen in the world. Gorgeous.

And this time we saw Baboons! They were kinda scary and bigger than I thought. The babies were cute though.

Nate, Hilary, our tour guide, and myself all hiked all the way out to the very edge of Cape Point and then hiked back and over to the Cape of Good Hope (most southwestern point on the African Continent). As we were nearing the Cape of Good Hope, the weather rolling in indicated that we were going to get soaked. And it did not disappoint. I have never been so wet in my entire life. I had a “waterproof” jacket on and my sweater and tshirt underneath were both completely wet. But I didn’t care. It felt liberating somehow. The students were shivering but couldn’t stop smiling at the same time. Someone here told us (and I can’t remember who or the context at the moment…forgive me…it’s not even 7 a.m.) that being rained on in South Africa is good luck. Apparently, because we all felt great and were hyper and excited even though there wasn’t a dry place on our bodies.

This excursion all wrapped up around 4 p.m. and we headed back home…every single one of us napping, drenched along the way.

Ouma and Seiphemo were kind of enough to take me out to dinner in Sea Point last night for Thai food. It’s nice to know that a Thai food menu is the same all over the world no matter where you go. I drove my own car to dinner and parked in front of the restaurant. One of the guys who watches cars on the street was nice enough to help me parallel park (it’s hard on the other side of the road driving on the other side of the car!). After dinner, I wanted to tip him and thought I was handing him a 10 Rand bill. But as he grabbed it from me, I realized I was handing him a 100 Rand bill. It was too late to take it. It was already in his hand. He was very happy. I was not. But the more I thought I about, I got angry out myself for being upset about that. 100 Rand = about 12 or 13 dollars. In the grand scheme of things, I can afford that. And I don’t know the man’s background or anything, but if it made his day, why is that such a bad thing? I am so damn greedy and selfish sometimes.

A few more students for you to meet!

Here is Jesse Brown (this is just after we were smart enough to get inside the boat I mentioned earlier). Jesse is a LaCrosse player and an all around good guy. He’s one of those people who may not talk as much as others but when he does it is always thoughtful and meaningful. You should read his blog.

This is Hilary Zimmerman. For my North Dakota relatives reading this, Hilary is from Beulah. I have known Hilary for a few years because, in addition to taking a previous class from me, she has worked in my office, as well. The picture is of Hilary and I with Camps Bay behind us.

And Nate Huelskamp. Nate and I go way back. He has taken 3 classes from me, has worked in my office, and will be my teaching assistant in the fall. Nate and I are also the “old guys” on the trip.

Off to Robben Island! The week of touristy South Africa is winding down and we are about to get into other items and adventures in week 2…and the students are antsy to start that!

A lecture, a museum, and a bit of a scare (for me, at least)

2008-05-28T22:57:00.000-07:00

Well, eventually this trip had to become a class, right?

I am a firm believer that this trip is not handed to us. We do not just follow people around, be told where to go, listen, and get educated. No. We participate in the process...it's more 3-dimensional than us being followers (it is a leadership class afterall...). So, each student has some role along the way in educating her or his peers during this process. Our first example of that was this morning, I asked Elisa to bring a "question of the day" to get our class started...something she wanted to know from everyone else, something to engage us. She (and the rest) didn't disappoint. Elisa brought up the point that we haven't really talked yet about what the students hope to get from this experience so she took the opportunity to ask. They want to be challenged. They want to learn about themselves. They want to take risks. But, I think what is most important (and Kevin Winge if you're reading this...we owe a lot to you) is that they understand that they are not here to solve or fix anything. They understand we are learners. We can soak in our environment, and with that knowledge we can tackle the "now what?" question based on what we experience. It was a proud teacher moment...I kinda teared up a bit so I hid it by taking pictures of them as they talked. :)

Next came in our guest for the day, Zwelethu. Zwelethu was an amazing lecturer. Engaging. Dynamic. Funny. We learned a lot about the politics that brought about Apartheid and the politics that ended it. (As much as one can in 2 hours.) What really hit me though is the fact that we Americans see other country's issues sometimes tied up too nicely in a neat little bow. I recall when F.W. DeKlerk and Nelson Mandela were Time Magazine's People of the Year (the two gentlemen were the leaders of opposing parties on the Apartheid issue that brought about Democracy). In that image in Time it seemed like "Great! They fixed it. Let's move on." We learned today that a) the package wasn't tied up so neatly and b) we can't move on just yet...

Zwelethu also had a colleague join him--Steve. And they took the opportunity to ask the students about US politics. Who's going to win the election? Why do you Americans allow issues of personal nature into politics (same-sex marriage, etc.)? If Obama or McCain is president, will it really matter? Is American still a superpower or are you declining? Etc etc. It was AWESOME. We, basically, had to answer for ourselves as Americans. It's an important lesson: we can't make political decisions or be citizens in a democracy without having a reason for our actions and what we choose for our political leaders....but how often do we articulate and rationalize our decisions as individuals? But the students held their own. And I think they know a little bit more about themselves for it.

After some on campus lunch (WAY better than UDS for you U of M folks reading this), we headed into the city center to the District Six Museum. I asked one of the students, Brian, to educate us about the museum before we went and he did an excellent job. The museum is basically a living memorial to one neighborhood that was demolished by the Group Areas Act during Apartheid. The Group Areas Act forced then-residents (mostly coloured for district 6) to move to the townships and whites could move into their neighborhood. Most sold their places for next to nothing, developers build great houses and then profited off of the sale to more affluent whites. The museum has personal donated artificats from past residents, a map showing where things used to be, and actual testimonials of those forced to leave their houses and what became of them. A good epilogue to our morning lecture.

We finished the museum a bit early and our "dudes" (the two guys who drive our vans that transport us around...that's what I like to call them) weren't going to be back for a few hours so we wandered around the city center. One of the students noticed as we were leaving the museum that diagonally across the street there were many people lined up along a building, just kinda of sitting there. I didn't think much of it at the time.

So we shop, eat, etc and head back to meet the dudes to get home. As we get back a block from that same corner we can hear chanting and there are several police cars blocking the intersection and we can hear more sirens on the way...all of this in the intersection we need to get to for our vehicles. Nikki, our Interstudy guide, tells us to turn the corner and walk around the block the long way. As we get to the same street at the other end of the block, a big police van with people in it drives by. They bang on the car, yell at us and other passers-by and keep driving. We start to walk toward our destination just a few feet from where the chanting and crowd is gathered.

I am not sure the students were too deterred but I was honestly freaked out. The teacher in me started to kick in. One, not all of the students were with us. 4 of the women had gone off a different direction and were meeting us back at the intersection and I didn't know where they were. Two, I didn't know what kind of scale was escalating for the energy and emotion of the group down the street. And, three, I had no idea what it was all about in the first place.

In the end, everything was fine. The 4 others in the group were already in the van. The police had the situation under control (whatever it was). We also learned the building this was all happening at was a courthouse. Whether or not it is related to the xenophobic violence, I am not sure.

So take a deep breathe. I have. We are all fine. This isn't the best picture, but it is the scene I am trying to describe. David took better pictures (much to my dismay at the time). I'll have to see if I can get some of his.

Speaking of David, another student in the group to introduce you to!

This is David Horn. David is one of only two students I had not taught in a previous class prior to this trip, but we have hit it off quite well. David is our rebel. He wants to be different, he wants to be daring, he wants to not have an opinion just because you think he should...he wants to figure it out for himself...he wants to do it his way, in his words, at his pace, and I can respect that (most of the time).

Off to Cape Point!

Day 1 for the students aka The Honeymoon Period

2008-05-27T22:51:00.001-07:00

Again, I am writing to you in the morning. Yes, I do now have internet that works in my place, but it is rather slow and uploading pictures last night was taking forever and I like having pictures. If nothing else, this is a good way to get me up and thinking in the morning. Ok, that's all you'll hear of my internet woes...it's not that big of a deal in the big scheme of things.

Yesterday, I met the students for their orientation with Interstudy. It basically consisted of getting to know the staff (they're fabulous), learning about the campus, a lot of talk about safety, a little talk about good clubs to go to, and then the students went shopping/touring the campus with Interstudy's student mentors, Dianne and Ajith. Being I've talked enough about Ouma and Seiphemo, here's a picture of them talking to the group yesterday:

A side story: for two days now poor Ouma and Seiphemo have been trying to get me access cards, parking, internet etc. which requires me to get a "third party" access account to the University. So they keep calling and calling about this account for two days, starting to get impatient with whoever is on the other end of the phone. Then, yesterday while the students are touring campus I happen to think, "do you mean this sheet of paper I had on my desk when I got home yesterday?" Yep, that was the piece of paper they needed and were trying to get from others that I had all along. Whoops. I told Ouma she could slap me later. :)

I met up with the group for lunch on the Waterfront yesterday at a very nice oceanside restuarant. Interstudy paid for it, including drinks (2 max) per student. They were having the time of their lives: elated, ecstatic, hyper, in disbelief at where they are. All positive and good emotions and that definitely isn't a bad thing, but I suspect it is the Honeymoon of this trip. In kind of what may end up being a mean maneuver, I purposely wanted them to go to the Waterfront yesterday and be pampered a bit because in the end I want them to see the extreme sides of life in South Africa. Yesterday they were the Haves...a week from now they will be more like the Have Nots. I want them to see the emotion involved in that, the cruelty of it all, in my opinion. Is that mean of me? I don't think so. I think it's reality.

In some ways, it is even apparent in their housing situation. 7 of the students are living in a plush house. Beautiful leather furniture, large beds, beautiful garden and kitchen, a shower to die for in the master bedroom. It's normally used as a bed and breakfast. The other 10 live across the street in what is normally college housing. Sparse furnishings, simple twin beds, no gardens, old furniture with throws over them to hide stains and tattered threads. Two different situations where I am certain the students in the nice house feel lucky they got put there and the ones in the other house are a tad bit jealous of what they don't have that the others do. See any parallels?

But, for the day, we enjoyed ourselves. I hung out with them and we walked around the mall, met quasi-celebrities (America's Next Top Model castmembers Bianca and Lisa...gave us all an invite to their party tonight...a few of the guys are very excited). Here is a picture of the whole gang with the Atlantic Ocean behind us:

If you click on the student links to the right, you'll see this excitement I am talking about. But also their curiosity and willingness to experience whatever is in front of them.

We are about to begin our first lecture of the trip in 45 minutes or so. A political science scholar from UCT is going to talk with the students about the ending of Apartheid and current events. It should be interesting!

Another student for you all to meet. Here is Stella and I at lunch yesterday:
This is Stella's third course with me. (Is she nuts?! :) ) In fact, she is one of 4 on this trip who were part of a class who have been with the idea for this course since we first conceived it. I appreciate her willingness to trust us for 2 years that this would happen, and I am happy she was able to come along. Stella is smart, thoughtful, and always happy.

More to come! Tomorrow we head on a full-day excursion of Cape Point (penguins! babboons! seals! oh my!). Hopefully we have nice weather!

Thanks for listening.

The students made it! But first...a reality check...

2008-05-26T23:02:00.000-07:00

I still don't have internet in my place I am staying. I thought I did. My computer has to be taken to the IT department on campus to be "configured." Apparently, they don't much like Dell computers here...So anyhow, I am updating once again in the morning from the Interstudy office.

I last left off yesterday with Ouma and Seiphemo and I getting ready to head to Guguletu to meet Edwin, my nice friend and coordinator at JL Zwane who is assisting with out township components of the program. Edwin had a few ideas for a service projects the students could do next week and wanted to show them to me. The visits brought me back to why I love it here so much and why it tears me apart a little inside in a different manner than other experiences ever have.

We first met at JL Zwane and I listened to Ouma, Seiphemo and Edwin talk politics for a bit. It was very interesting. 3 very intelligent South Africans debating the current events happening in their country, why they are happening, and what should be done. But, once again, as we traveled around the Guguletu, there was no sign of anything out of the ordinary.

Not that the ordinary is always that great to witness, either. The first place we visited was a school for physically disabled children, Tembelatu, who ranged anywhere from 4 to 20 (they start school at different ages because of their disabilities so the spectrum is wider). It is the only school specifically for disabled kids in the entire Western Cape for children from these communities. They are bused in from all over the area. 3 buses take 150 students each day to and from school. As you can imagine, they are faced with the same issues of rising costs in fuel as the rest of us, but it hits them much harder. Families pay the cost of transportation for their kids to attend and 30 rand (about 5 dollars) a month is a lot for them to give up simply for transport. That is a definite issue for them as they continue into the future.

The school is rundown. There are broken windows, the grass in the playground is as high as the bottom of the swings because they have no means to cut the grass, children have a room to repair their own wheelchairs because they cannot hire someone to do it for them. We hope to bring the students here to help with some of these issues if only for a small time to make access and quality of education for these kids easier.

Next we visited another school in Guguletu. A "normal" elementary school grades 1-7.

The entire school is made out of old boxcars from trains and has been that way since 1987. We spoke for a bit with the principal and she showed us around to the different classrooms.

This picture above doesn't really do the room justice. Yes, you can see a huge hole below the chalkboard. Yes, you can see the small tables of which 50 kids sit around in one room. What you can't see if the broken window to the right that a whole table of kids sit under (what do they do if it rains?), the hole in the ceiling in the back of the room, the floor soggy and caving in. Each room had these characteristics. Each room.

Our final stop was at the house of a woman named Priscilla. In addition to raising her own family in a 2-room house, she has taken in 14 kids whose parents have died of AIDS. She at this point is not receiving the proper grants and funding from the government for this service she is providing, but hopefully that will change. This is a picture of the room in which all 14 of the foster children sleep:

One full-size bed, one futon, one twin-size bed, a few couch cushions. For 14 children. What this picture cannot tell you is that the walls in the house don't go all the way up to the ceiling. That the smell of must and dirt and grime and other things I can't quite put my finger on was so strong that I gagged upon first entering the bedroom. Priscilla and her family live in a similar room, as well.

For this woman and these kids she is trying to provide a home to, feed, and clothe:

Edwin has made it his personal mission to renovate her home, make it better. He showed us the quote he received from a contractor to do so. It ended up being the equivalent of about $7,000 to make her home a livable space. Unheard of for her, but not so much for some of us. Ouma even volunteered to purchase a television for them. Seiphemo is checking with friends who do this kind of work to see how they can help.

It was at this point yesterday that I was brought back to a place in my own emotions and cognition that I do not recall since leaving Guguletu the last time I was here. And, it was a mixed feeling of refreshment and audacity. Refreshing because it reminds me I am human, I care, that being here--and showing young people these places--is important. Audacious because, well, how could I forget something like this?

The power of human denial is strong. I had very rough feelings when I returned from South Africa last time and I pushed them aside, telling myself, "You'll be back. Explore it more then." Well, I'm back. But I could have done more to prepare myself, bringing more with me, being more prepared to help or assist.

We will be back to these places next week. I look forward to sharing more with you and seeing what we come up with to assist.

Onto lunch. We stopped at a Cape Malay deli in Anthlone, a "coloured" community--somewhere between white suburbs and black townships in race, economy, living conditions. After that, it was a crazy mix of getting ready for the students to arrive and going to the airport to get them. And, thankfully, they ALL made it! And only one piece of luggage didn't. But that should arrive today so no worries.

One thing, I will try to do in these entries is tell you a little bit about the students, because I think they're fabulous (heck, I picked them to go on this trip so why wouldn't I think that?)

This is Kate Kessenich. Kate has been in Kenya since January studying. After Kenya, she took a few weeks to travel to Vietnam, Thailand, and Laos. Rough life, huh? I am very excited for the perspective she brings on this trip of having been immersed in a different country and culture in Africa that will enrich our understanding of what we are experiencing.

Today is a lighter day to ease the students out of their jetlag. We have orientation this morning and a day of strolling around the V&A Waterfront. The adventure is just beginning!

Thanks for listening.

Now Just Waiting for the Students...

2008-05-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

It is Monday morning, and I am updating my happenings from the Interstudy office at the University. Interstudy is the organization that has helped us plan this trip and that will be guiding us and coordinating with me while we are here. They are wonderful people!

Ouma, the Resident Director of Interstudy, picked me up on Saturday afternoon and drove me to dinner. She has very strong feelings about the recent Xenophobic attacks (and why wouldn't she?) and we had a good conversation about that. She needed to buy a birthday gift for her husband, so I accompanied her on her outing into Cape Town to help her shop. On our way, she pointed out several areas where there would normally be booths and sellers out selling goods who were not out that day because of fear of attack. However, there were no signs of unrest apparent as we walked about Cape Town's City Centre, surveying the few booths that were out and selling goods.

Ouma then took me to dinner on the waterfront area of Cape Town. It was lovely. Beautiful day, full of sun hitting Table Mountain across the water from where we sat. I could hardly believe I am fortunate to be here again! Ouma told me a little about her life. How she was one of the first black South Africans to enter a traditionally Afrikaans University at the end of apartheid where she was treated poorly by other students, not taught in English as promised, etc. She ended up instead going to Cape Town to finish her studies where she now remains with her family. Another interesting story Ouma shared was that she and her husband took in a friend's child when the friend died of AIDS and the mother now is very ill from AIDS. She's amazing. This isn't the best picture of her, but here she is dining with me on the Waterfront.

Yesterday, was spent mostly being lazy, wandering the campus, practicing driving on the other side of the road (I only hit one curb! Whoo hoo!), reading, preparing for the class sessions. It was a very nice quiet day, but I am ready now for the action. For the students to get here. For the adventures to begin! They arrive this evening around 9 p.m. They should be in the air right now on their way to Johannesburg.

This morning, I am going with Ouma and Seiphemo (who also works for Interstudy) to Guguletu to visit some service project ideas that Edwin (the coordinator at the JL Zwane Centre in Guguletu) has in mind. I am very excited to back there. I will tell you all about it!

More to come...

I'm heeeeeeeeere!

2008-05-24T03:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I have made it to Cape Town. Or, to be more exact, Rondebosch which is where the University of Cape Town is located. I write this while sitting outside at a cafe, sipping coffee, waiting for my lunch. So far today, I have met a woman from Nashville here studying for her Ph.D. (her topic is forgiveness), and a man running near where my place is who is training for the South African Olympic team.

The trip here was about 36 hours long. It was definitely not an easy travel schedule. Short flight. Long Layover. Long flight. Short layover. Short flight. Nevertheless, 5 airplane meals, 3 countries, and a day and a half later, we made it! The students will join me on Monday evening. Their flight will leave tomorrow morning and follow the same schedule as mine.

If you have been watching the news, I am sure that you have heard about the recent sharp increase in violence and attacks in South Africa. Prior to yesterday, these had all been located near Johannesburg and not Cape Town. However, yesterday violence brokeout a peaceful protest in Cape Town. This is certainly not how I wanted the climate to be for our trip, but it is a reality of the current political, economical, and social situation of both South Africa and it's surrounding neighbors. These xenophobic attacks are representative of a lot of built up frustration and anger of poor South Africa without work or means to basic necessities whose outlets for their emotions have found dead ends and come to a boiling point.

There are no signs of it as I sit here today, but I can hear people around me talking about it. Send us good vibes and hope that the violence does not deter the student experience of this trip. Nevertheless, for the worriers out there (Dad), be assured we are very cautious and safe in our experiences and would not do anything to put ourselves in harm's way. More to come on this issue, I am sure.

I, unfortunately, don't have any pictures to show you today. The internet connection at the cafe is slow and, well, I haven't taken any pictures yet. :)

I don't have internet access at my place until I get my University ID card which will happen on Monday. Once I have that, I will be able to be more diligent with these posting. Right now, I am just able to use the wi-fi at nearby cafes.

Much more to come!

On My Way!

2008-05-22T01:20:00.000-07:00

So it's 3:30 a.m. and I am up and ready to go for my trip! The flights to Cape Town are gonna take a while to get there. First I fly to New York this morning, then after a long layover in New York I go to Johannesburg, South Africa with a stop in Dakar, Senegal (18 hour flight!) and then a jaunt over to Cape Town. When it's all said and done--and if all goes according to plan--I will arrive In Cape Town sometime tomorrow afternoon Minneapolis time. Whew!

I didn't sleep much. A mix of excitement and worrying that I would sleep through my alarm kept me tossing and turning a bit...I'm elated that this trip is finally beginning!

I'll talk to you on the other side of the ocean.

What's the Plan?

2008-05-21T08:46:00.000-07:00

I have received some questions asking what it is we are doing while we are in South Africa, where we're staying, etc. So here's a few answers:

The students are living in 2 houses in Mowbray, a neighborhood near the University of Cape Town. I am staying in a residence called All-Africa House that is housing for visiting faculty at the University. All of this is on the eastern slope of Table Mountain just south and east of Cape Town itself. All of the women on the trip (11 total) are living in one house and the 6 guys are in the other house.

We have classroom space at the Centre for Africa Studies at the University. We will have many guest lecturers who talk with the students, including leaders working on the HIV/AIDS issue, as well as other issues facing the township communities specifically. That is how we spend most of our mornings is in "class".

Our afternoons are filled with excursions to different sites and neighborhoods around Cape Town. Also, many afternoons are spent interacting with locals who utilize the JL Zwane Community Centre in Guguletu, and working with it's programs. We also have full-day excursions to Robben Island, Cape Point (penguins! baboons! seals!), a nature reserve, and a winelands tour. Also, weather permitting, we will have the opportunity to go shark diving on the Indian Ocean and sand boarding in the desert.

Much more detail to come obviously, but that's a quick overview. I write this from my chair in my condo in Minneapolis so I'm sure my take on these events will change a bit as I enter South Africa later this week.

Pre-Trip Cookout!

2008-05-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

The students going on the trip are definitely a social group, and so a few decided to have a cookout and I joined them for a while. Here's a few pictures from our night together.

This is Nate, our host for the evening. Thanks, Nate!

Some more of the students going on the trip. Clockwise from the bottom left: Erin, Elisa, Nate (at the grill), Hilary, Laurie, and TJ.

Nate trying to teach Erin, Hilary, and myself how to bowl on Wii. We look thoroughly perplexed, but we ended up doing pretty well...and I won!

Brian totally enthralled with our Wii skills. :)

These are a great group of students! You'll hear much more about them and the rest of the crew over the next few weeks!

About to Begin the Adventure Again...

2008-05-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

So, once again, I leave for Cape Town, South Africa, on Thursday. Granted, I don't get there until Friday night, but nonetheless by the end of this week I will be once again recording my goings on in South Africa. This time, I will be there for 25 days returning on June 17th.

Also, this time I will be taking 17 students with me. All of these are students in the Leadership Minor at the University of Minnesota. In their studies up to this point, they have studied what they believe leadership to be, who they are as leaders, how to collaborate to use their leadership to create positive change around an issue, and what they hope to contribute to their communities in the future (among other things). (And--well--this is what they SHOULD have learned...we'll see. :) )

I am instructing them in a class titled "Cross-Cultural Leadership Contexts of the AIDS Pandemic." We will be exploring the issue of AIDS in South Africa, meeting leaders working to assist those in need, community members living with AIDS, and different organizations trying to assist. We will also explore South Africa, it's current political, social, and economic context which plays a role in both hindering and helping progress on reducing the spread of AIDS as well as helping those who are HIV positive.

You can expect over the next 4 weeks or so to hear about our adventures, who we meet, what we experience, and how I feel about all of it. You might also get a dose of Aaron trying to figure out how to teach 17 21 year olds halfway around the world...certainly a new experience for me!

Each of the students is keeping a blog, as well. Their blog sites are listed to the right. For many, this is their first trip outside of the United States (or midwest for that matter). Their opinions are important. They are shaping our world.

Much more to come! Just wanted to let you know where we are at and that the adventure is about to begin all over again!

Day Six and beyond...the most beautiful spot in the world

2007-11-26T07:38:00.000-08:00

So I am no longer in South Africa as I write this. I am back in the comfort of my office at the University of Minnesota. It's sunny out but I far cry from the late spring days of Cape Town. I wanted to get one last entry in about my trip before it is too faded from my immediate memory.

The last day of our trip was spent driving around and exploring the area of Cape Town known as Cape Point. It is a small peninsula that juts out in the Atlantic Ocean, and--though the Indian Ocean doesn't officially start for another hundred miles or so to the east--it is where the cold currents of the Atlantic meets warms currents of the Indian. This makes for 4 things: 1) diverse wildlife, 2) beautiful landscapes, 3) really windy conditions, and 4) some of the best air in the world.

Our drive started with a stop at Boulders Beach which in the 80s, for some reason or another, African Penguins decided to make it their home. Since then, they have lived on this beach and let tourists ooh and ahh over them.

It also made for some interesting signs for visitors.

Just checking to make sure. :)

After our visit with the penguins we went all the way down to Cape Point, the southern tip of the peninsula. Gorgeous. I know no other way to describe it. It was quite a hike to get to the lighthouse at the top and then down again to the very end of the point, but it was well worth it.

We say a couple different things roaming around the area, including an ostrich, some lizards, a turtle, and a snake (eek!). The only disappointment of the whole day was that we didn't see a single baboon. This is disappointing for two reasons: 1) It would just be cool to see a baboon walking around in the open and they're supposedly everywhere on the Cape and 2) Rebecca is deathly terrified of any kind of Monkey and it would have made my day if one would have come up to her. Oh well.

We drove back up to Cape Town through some of the wine areas, and it was yet another take on the diverse types or earth and people that live in this small area of South Africa.

A little over 36 hours after all of this and I am back home in Minnesota, in my office, back in my normal routine. It was an amazing trip, and I am excited that I get to take some of my students back with me in 6 months or so. I need to sit back and think about what I experienced, what I saw and heard, who I met. It has changed me. I know it has. I can feel it. But what I do next in acknowledging that change and doing something good with it is what's important.

Thank you for listening.

Days 4 and 5. I have A LOT to tell you...

2007-11-23T11:21:00.000-08:00

Warning: Extremely long blog post ahead! But hopefully that won't detract you from reading it.

It's been 48 hours since I last was able to write anything. I've learned I like blogging. It seems to be a good way for me to process what is going on around me and inside of me.

Thursday:

Yesterday was our overnight stay in the township, but there was a lot that happened before we got to that point. First off, we started out in Guguletu in the morning touring and meeting at St. Luke's Hospice. The Hospice building is a tiny building next to the Community Center which offers services to AIDS/HIV and Cancer patients in the area. Their goal is not to try to heal patients but instead to manage their pain and make them as comfortable as possible. Not trying to prolong death. Every Thursday, Cancer patients come to the hospice building to speak with a spiritual counselor and gather for meals, etc. Most of the time, the sisters who work for St. Luke's travel to patient's houses. When the students and I visit in May, we will go on these trips with the sisters a few times.

Following that meeting, Rebecca and I went back into the city for lunch and some more shopping at the market. The market is filled with some really cool and local gifts. Most working in the market are from the townships selling their own goods (I think) so we were happy to support their products.

For the rest of the day, we went back to Guguletu. First was a meeting with Kenneth and Idris from the Institute for Justice and Reconciliation which was fascinating.

The IJR was started in the mid-90s when the new democracy entered South Africa. Kenneth works with the Community Healing Project which goes into marginalized communities to build bridges between communities that were kept apart during Apartheid (whites weren't allowed to enter black areas, etc.). It just seemed like a really cool way to bring communities together and find common values in which to build new partnerships and agreements. It is a lot of the things that we talk about the Leadership Minor talked about in a very different way which is EXACTLY what I was looking for.

The hour after this meeting was definitely one of the most memorable hours of my life. I've never gone through so many emotions in one hour. Tony and Yvonne (the child services worker we had met with the day before) asked us to come along with them as they delivered some of the food parcels from the previous day to children in the townships many who were living in households that didn't have parents. The first one was kind of funny. We showed up at a woman's house (I believe she had taken in her niece after the girl's mother died) only to find that there were Mormon missionaries there! Yvonne was very perplexed, and Tony admitted to never having seem them in Guguletu before. Instead of staying to chat and check in with the family (I think there were 13 people in a 3 room house), Yvonne was so thrown off that we just left and she said she'd come back later.

The second place we visited was kinda scary. Tony turned his car off of the paved road to a sand road that went back in between some informal settlements of shacks. Then he turned again, and one more time. These horribly run-down small small shacks just kept going and going.

This was the one time Tony told us we shouldn't carry our bags with us and should just keep them in the car. Back even further in the settlement was a small house where a 14-year old boy was living alone. It was unknown where his mother was or when she was coming back. We tried to drop off food but apparently--according to his friends--he was out fixing electricity for some money. (Yvonne noted that he didn't have electricity so wondered how he knew how to fix it for someone else.) So, we left his food with his friends.

The third place broke my heart. We went to a small white shack just off one of the main roads. In this two room shack, lived a 16-year old girl and her 8-year old brother. Their mother died last year. When I asked Yvonne how her mother died, she didn't know and said no one seemed to be sure. This girl is sweet, articulate, very welcoming into her home, but I just can't believe that she lived alone with her brother in this small space. As I noted, the day prior had been very cold and stormy. She had no kerosene and no money to get any, so Tony gave her money out of his pocket.

I can't get her image out of my head. I wanted to take her picture, but I felt it rude to do so at that moment. I worry for her safety. She's a pretty girl, and Tony commented on how drunk men come down that street late at night all the time. I would love to do something more for her if I could.

Still reeling from our drive around Guguletu and into some of it's homes, it was now time to go to our homestay. We met Titi our hostess and her friend Noxi (sp?) at the Community Center. They took us back to Titi's house in Guguletu. Here's where I kick myself for jumping to assumptions. We had seen enough sub-standard housing in Guguletu that I was preparing myself for the worst as far as our facilities would go for our homestay. When we pulled up to Titi's house, I felt like a fool.

Her house is bigger than mine! 3 bedrooms, fenced in yard, large kitchen, etc. Goes to show where assumptions will get you. We had a great time with Titi and her friends (in the picture below, Titi is the one standing next to me). I like to call her friends The Golden Girls.

They were sassy, funny, and told us all about their trip to Dallas, Philadelphia and Pensacola earlier this year. Definitely a good time. We also met Titi's daughter who lives with here.

She is my first South African Facebook friend! See, the world isn't so large afterall. :)

It was Thanksgiving, and as much as I was missing spending Thanksgiving with my own family, it was a great way to spend it. Good food, laughter, great people, and definitely a world of thanks for what I have in my life.

Friday:

We started out the day with a great breakfast at Titi's and Tony picked us up to go to Kayelitsha (the 2nd largest township in South Africa) to visit the district headquarters of the Treatment Action Campaign.

The drive through Kayelitsha was interesting. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, they definitely looked worse there. Not only is it more expansive, but there are more informal settlements (the small rickety shacks) than in Guguletu.

I must say that I for awhile I had to look away and not think about what I was seeing. Over the past few days, I have gone through a lot of emotions about how I feel about what I'm encountering, and I haven't landed on one yet and probably won't for awhile. I just had to be numb about it for awhile.

There was nothing numb about our next meeting! The Treatment Action Campaign strives to do 3 things: increase access to anti-retroviral drugs (vital treatment for HIV patients that has been controversially inaccessible to most suffering for HIV in South Africa), eliminate the stigma of HIV and discrimination of people who are positive, and to policies into place that help HIV positive people. This is all done in a very activist manner.

We thought were meeting with one person: Mandla, the coordinator of the Kayelitsha branch of TAC. However, as we sat down to meet many other people joined us. I think 9 overall in the end. They all volunteer or work for TAC and are very passionate about what they do. Passionate to the point of being intimidating and kind of scary at first. (They don't like capitalism and American drug companies for starters....) But they were great. We could have talked for hours. After telling us about the organization and their roles, I asked them each how they got involved with TAC in the first place since they now seem so passionate about what they do. There were many amazing stories:

--One man joined after finding out his HIV positive status and didn't know what else to do. He had started beating his wife and was close to killing himself before finding a positive outlet in TAC.
--Another found out the organization while in prison and becoming HIV positive. He immediately sought out the organization after leaving prison.
--Yet another had two close people to him who had died of AIDS and suffered from deep depression. He felt he had no choice but to step up.

Truly remarkable people and a very unique organization. They exemplify what I believe leadership is: find a cause you are passionate about and using your talents to make change in it, bettering yourself in the process.

After we were done at TAC, we went back to the Community Center in Guguletu for one last time. It was here that we said goodbye to Tony and I must take a moment to give Tony some public praise.

Tony is an amazing man. Not only did he organize this trip for us and EVERY SINGLE person/organization we met with, but he works every day full-time for the Community Center and Clinic in Guguletu. Tony, by trade, is a pharmacist from Minneapolis. He quit his job last year to move here for a year, leave his family, and work FOR FREE for this community. Everyone we met knew Tony and relied on him for so much support and assistance. I really admire him and hope I can emulate some of his leadership qualities, passion and drive. Thanks, Tony!

It was sad to leave Guguletu and know we weren't coming back (at least until May). It was a community that I felt welcome in, and it is the last kind of community on earth that I would have thought I would miss. I need to think about that one, too. Add that to the list.

We made our way back to the city and over to an organization called Monkeybiz.

Monkeybiz is essentially a design business that employs women (and a few men) from the townships to make beaded art to sell. All of the money made goes back directly to the individuals who made them. In addition, they provide a friday clinic and meal service for the women and their families who work there living with HIV. The business has become somewhat of a phenomenon. They have released a movie about it called "Bigger than Barbie." A coffeetable book is soon to come out, and they have had art gallery exhibitions in London and New York. (Students in my current class reading this: these are the women who made the AIDS ribbon pins that Kevin Winge gave you.) Rebecca and I did our fair share of shopping to support their business. :)

(Minneapolis residents take note: Open Arms is sponsoring a sale of Monkeybiz work from 10-6 in Calhoun Square on Saturday, 12/1 as part of the World AIDS Day celebration...stop by! I'll be there.)

Monkeybiz was our last official meeting of our trip. We decided to spend the afternoon seeing part of Cape Town we hadn't been able to get to so far: the Waterfront. The Waterfront is kind of like Edina or any other ritzy suburbs but near water. There's a big mall, outdoor shops, street musicians, etc.

I had a hard time here. Yeah, I did some shopping, had a great meal and all that, but I just couldn't help but think of how different and excessive this was to the community we had been in just a few hours earlier. Do the people who shop here even KNOW what is going on so close to them? Do they care? Do they contribute somehow? It started to make me sad and angry. I had a hard time enjoying it after that.

There is so much of my perspective that has changed this week, and I can't yet describe to you how (as I've said over and over again). I have a lot to think about. About how I treat the world. How I treat those around me. How I treat those I don't know. How I make myself aware of the problems in my own community. How I can continue to support the people I met here. How I can best teach my students to be good leaders in their own communities, as well as this one. It sounds cheesy, but how I can be a better person.

And I don't think that happens for me anymore by walking around a mall.

One last item of note for today. My new friend Jean-Claude. He's great. I mentioned him in the last post, but wanted to show you who he is:

Yeah, he's really tall.

I don't know if I'll have time to post anything before we head to the airport tomorrow night or not. If I don't, I promise I will when I return on Sunday afternoon so I can share our trip down to the Cape of Good Hope and whatever other adventures we come across tomorrow.

Thank you for reading this long post. Sharing these things with you really helps me think through what I am experiencing, and what I am very excited to bring students here to see and experience for themselves.

Day 3=Rainy Days Always Get Me Down

2007-11-21T10:44:00.001-08:00

Today has been stormy. Both literally and emotionally. But it was a very busy day and a very productive one at that. (Note: I didn't take many pictures today, so sorry for the text-heavy entry!)

The day started at about 3 in the morning when I woke up to LOUD bursts of wind gusting by. Seriously. I don't remember ever experience wind gusts like these. It was so strong that it literally blew the curtains in the room even though the windows were closed. It proceeded to gust and rain for the rest of the day (there was a moment on the N2--the interstate around Cape Town--where I thought the Chico might blow off the road!!), but there was no time to wallow in it as there were many meetings to get to today.

We started off by traveling to the University of Cape Town to meet with Ouma and Seiphemo. Ouma and Seiphemo work for InterStudy, a study abroad organization that hosts American students in a few places in South Africa, including Cape Town. They are instrumental figures in planning our trip with the students in May. It may not be the most exciting meeting to blog about, but it was extremely productive. For starters, we figured out some good housing options (in an area called the Observatory...for students going on the trip reading this: it's VERY cool!), transportation options, even some good names of University faculty to talk with the students about topics regarding modern South African history, culture (including dance lessons!), and other things.

Our second meeting was at the Institute for Healing of Memories. Father Lapsley, the Director, talked with us first. It grew out of a project of the Trauma Centre for Victims of Violence and Torture where Fr. Lapsley was one of the founding members. He lost both hands and one eye in a letter bomb attack in Zimbabwe in 1990. With help from supporters, he learned to forgive his attackers and works to help other victims of horrible crimes overcome by providing a safe space for people to tell their stories in an atmosphere of deep listening and mutual respect.

In telling Fr. Lapsley about our project, he suggested we talk to his colleague Ntsikelelo who runs youth development programs. They do a workshop called Facing our Past, Facing ourselves which focuses on bring white and black South Africans together to heal from Apartheid. We hope to replicate this workshop with the class in May but instead focusing on identity as an American and what it means as Americans (and most of us White) to learn about South Africa's past, dealing with challenge, choices, and understanding human rights as a way of life...I'm very excited about it. Ntsikelelo was such an interesting man to talk to that we went way past our time with him and were late to our next meeting.

(We got WAY LOST on our way to our next meeting at the Center in Guguletu which didn't help either.)

At the Community Center, we met with Yvonne Daki. Yvonne is a lifelong resident of Guguletu. She works with vulnerable children, meaning orphans and child-headed families. Rebecca and I were both mesmerized by Yvonne. The work she does is very very hard. It's hard to summarize, but basically what she does is crisis management with children who have no one else to turn to and nowhere else to go. She shared many stories with us that quite honestly broke my heart. One was of a child of 16 (with a 10 year old sibling) whose parent had died last week. Her and Tony discovered at church on Sunday that the child was in need of some clothes and food (nothing was left in the house for them), so they took him shopping for a few things (from their own pocket, as I understand it). She talked about how it broke her heart to then take that child home on a sunny Sunday afternoon to no one and leaving that child there.

As much as I loved meeting Yvonne and talking with her for almost 2 hours, it was during our discussion that my own emotional floodwalls started to crumble. When were done talking, I felt mentally exhausted. Yvonne talked over and over about how much work she does (she works EVERYDAY) and there are always more to help, more people waiting at the Center to talk to her or Tony, more to do.

I just became exhausted and kinda mad at myself for wondering: with all the Yvonnes in the world and all the good that they do, would all of this that I've seen in the past three days (and I know that's only a small piece) ever really end?

It defeated me for a little bit. Rebecca thought I was ready for a nap (which happens often) but that wasn't what my daze was about. I was sad. Sad in a way that--once again--I'm not sure I can describe to you without thinking about it a little more. Part of me wanted to just leave and go to our Lodge. Get out of the rain, the drippy ceiling of the Center. Part of me wondered if I was man enough to handle the things I keep encountering and hearing about without buckling...how strong am I? Or, more importantly, how strong can I be for others? Because, from what I've seen, the world needs more strong people willing to fight for those who can't fight for themselves.

To end our day--and what an end it was!!!--the food parcel delivery sponsored by Spar (think Sam's Club South Africa-style) happened this afternoon at the Center. Nomazizi (the social worker at the center who we will speak with more tomorrow morning) oversaw it and Rebecca pledged that we would help however we could (I was still in a bit of daze at that point). This parcel delivery was for the members of the HIV support group I wrote about yesterday. That perked me up. These people put a smile to my face--I wanted to do what I could for them.

We went to the basement of the Center as the Spark truck brought in 4 pallets of food to make into parcels. The parcels included: cake flour, sugar, samp (kinda like corn kernels), rice, corn meal, olive oil, cream of wheat-like banana-flavored stuff, cayenne pepper, honey, milk, tea, chicken, and chicken necks.

It felt great to be part of this project. As the support group members walked in one by one to get their food, it was so very clear that they needed it and were thankful for it. They received three plastic target-sized bags worth of stuff....to last two months. When was the last time you or I bought 3 bags that size worth of food to last 2 months? This helps explain why Rebecca and I haven't thrown away a piece of food since we've been here. We get a "take-away" (doggie bag) and hand it to the first person on the street who is in need. (Rebecca admonished me yesterday when I wanted to throw away my hamburger from lunch because I didn't want to carry it anymore. 30 minutes later we happened upon a small child who ran away happy with our bags.)

2 notes as I depart:
1) I won't be able to blog tomorrow night. We are staying in Guguletu with a woman named Titi tomorrow. I can assure you she doesn't have wireless internet access. You can expect a full report on Friday night.
2) My new favorite person: Jean-Claude! Jean-Claude is the night watchman at our Lodge. I went to ask for a drink tonight, and we started to chat. He is from the Democratic Republic of Congo but left because of regional wars. He loves America and has many brothers and sisters there, one of which is in the Army and has served in Iraq in both wars, Afghanistan, Kosovo, and others. He's quiet, humble and watches over our Lodge at night. He deserves a shout-out. :)
3) I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. I certainly realize the reason for the Holiday more than I ever ever have.

Day 2: our fate at the hands of the Chico....

2007-11-20T10:49:00.001-08:00

Today was the first day for Rebecca and I venturing on our own without Tony's help. It became fairly obvious immediately in the morning that we were both nervous about it. Finding our own way around (especially into the township) seemed like a daunting ordeal. But, perhaps more than anything, we started the day hating our car....the Chico. Yes, that's what it's called. It's even written on the side of the car.

As you can see, it's the size of a matchbox car, it has no power steering, and is a stick shift on the left-hand side of the car (plus it took 5 tries before it would start). To make matters worse, Cape Town is all built on hills. In fact, to turn off of the street our Lodge is on to get to a main road requires going up one of the biggest ones of all (in stop and go traffic). Rebecca was the brave one who drove today, and by the end of the day she had conquered the Chico.

We started the day by visiting the Civic Centre and meeting with a woman named Nombeko Mpongo.

Nombeko is an HIV/AIDS Information Officer for the city of Cape Town. Her role is to provide counseling and clinical access as well as testing to employees of the city (roughly 24,000 people). While it became clear in the first few minutes of meeting her that Nombeko is clearly good at what she does and is passionate about it, what is amazing to me is Nombeko's personal story.

It wasn't until about 20 minutes into our conversation that Nombeko told us she was HIV positive. She contracted the disease 10 years ago when she was gang-raped. In addition to that incident, she grew up with an abusive father, left school at 15 and became a single mother 3 years later. To hear her speak, to hear the passion in her voice about educating others about HIV (she presents workshops to employees around the city weekly), talking one-on-one to counsel individuals (a few of these phone calls happened during our visit) is to witness someone who has been through more immense struggle than I can even imagine overcome and accept what has happened to her and work to make her community better. And, she does it all with a huge smile on her face, a sarcastic wit, and an endearing personality.

After meeting with Nombeko, we took the opportunity to spend the middle of the day exploring Cape Town's City Bowl (the downtown area essentially). I shopped a little in the Green Market Square for my dogsitters, we had lunch at Mr. Pickwicks, and walked around the city. (Another interesting note about Cape Town: in an effort to provide jobs, they don't have parking meters. They instead have parking guards stationed on each block who you tell how long you will be parking for, pay the appropriate amount, and they watch your car for you.)

After our day strolling around the city, we headed back to Guguletu to the Community Center to attend the HIV support group meeting. There were a couple of things that made me nervous about doing this: 1) driving to the township by ourselves...EVERY guidebook I've looked at says that tourists should never ever do that and 2) I didn't want those who were attending the HIV support group to think we were intruding or not open up in the group in a way that they needed to because we were present.

Both fears were unfounded. First of all, driving into the township was fine. I felt completely comfortable. However, I did cry from laughing so hard when Rebecca screamed and let go of the steering wheel when a dog lunged at the car just outside the Community Center. Hysterical. Best of all were the passersby probably wondering who the Screaming White Woman was....

Second of all, the HIV support group was absolutely amazing. I couldn't be more happy that I attended. Most of the meeting was in Xhosa, but they did slip into English every now and then (rather seamlessly, I might add). Zethu who we met yesterday helped to translate for us. Nombeko from our morning meeting was also there. In total, there were about 40 people at the support group meeting. The majority were women. I think I counted 5 men in the room in addition to myself.

They opened with a song as we walked in. Tony explained to them who we were and what our purpose was in being there. I couldn't really read any reaction on their faces and just hoped they weren't offended or stifled by our presence. As time went on, we became comfortable in the room. They began having a conversation about someone from the support group who had died over the weekend. A few of the men in the room were friends with this man and spoke a few words about him. The mood in the room was too somber and quiet for Zethu so she asked Edwin (one of the coordinators of the Center and a minister) to come in and say a prayer. Before praying, the group stood up and sang a hymn. I had to bite my lip from letting more than a few tears fall. Just listening to them sing beautifully, and watching the looks on their faces as they did a lot of emotions in the room became a lot less cloudy to me. A social worker was also present, and while she spoke in Xhosa mostly, a few times she said things such as "you must never give up" and "you are strong together." Those statements mirrored the looks I saw on their faces after they sang and prayed.

They talked for a while longer after Edwin's prayer (what we gathered was that Nombeko received a scholarship to go to the University and another woman--the one wearing the HIV positive tshirt below--won 250,000 Rand, about $35,000. This apparently was good timing as her child needs an operation next week.) At the end of the meeting, they prayed once more and we all joined hands to do so. Then, we hugged our neighbors. At first, I wasn't sure if the woman I was staying by would hug me. But she did right away. And the person next to her. And a few others nearby.

We were packing up to leave and Nombeko asked us if we wanted to take pictures. We replied that we weren't sure if that was ok. She basically said nonsense and to do so. The minute we took out our cameras, they all began to gather together and pose for photos. Meanwhile, many kept coming up to hug us and ask for pictures with us or with their friends or some alone.

The HIV support group can be added to this of things I needed to ponder more to know what I exactly think about it. My emotions were high at several points during the group, but I'd be hard-pressed to tell you why (heck, I couldn't understand 3/4ths of what they were saying!). I know part of it has to do with receiving such a warm reception and smiles and hugs and pats on the back from people who don't know me, don't know where I come from. That felt good. Part of me hopes that they were just happy that we cared to be there and to listen to them talk. Part of me hopes that they challenge me to do more for them.

Was that a long-winded entry? It feels like it was. Thanks for listening.

Day One...Sensory Overload

2007-11-19T10:34:00.000-08:00

Today has been wonderful if not something that I need to think a bit more about before I could really even tell you what I truly experienced.

Today was scheduled as mostly a day in the township which--from what I can tell--is the opposite of the way someone visiting Cape Town goes about a visit here. First you see the sites, buy a lot off stuff, and then--if there's a gap in your schedule--you go visit the townships. Almost like these places are just mere minor stops in understanding South Africa, when in fact their populations are often larger than the urban area they surround. For those reading this who don't know, the townships are the largely poor, almost entirely black communities that are current evidence of the apartheid era of South Africa.

Guguletu (meaning "Our Pride" in Xhosa) is the township that we visited and the township that we will be at at least once a day for the rest of our trip. Tony Zappa, a Twin Cities resident and Open Arms board member, has been living in Cape Town for the past year and volunteering at the JL Zwane Community Center in Guguletu. He has been a saint in that he helped set up all of our meetings, led us around today, and will be an asset to us for the rest of our trip.

To start off today, we had a lovely breakfast at the Black Heath Lodge we are staying at. What a lovely place! And the nicest people work there.

That is picture of the courtyard of the Lodge.

After breakfast, Tony met us there to take us to the Community Center in Guguletu. But first, we got our rental car dropped off and I had the embarrassing task or parallel parking it on the very tiny street. First I couldn't start it, then I couldn't put it in reverse, then I couldn't put it in 1st gear...ugh. Fifteen minutes later the car was parked for the day and, luckily we were riding with Tony for the day and didn't have to worry about our own car.

Once we got to Guguletu, which is about a 15 minute drive from where we were staying, we toured around the community center.

Next, Tony took us on a driving tour around Guguletu. It definitely was quite a shock to me to see the community.

The above was one of the main streets in Guguletu. These shacks are the common dwelling for families in the township. While some have homes made of stone or mortar, many have houses made out of corrugated metal or what appeared to be old boxcars on a train.

We also drove by the cemetery. Guguletu has one cemetery, and it is so full that bodies are now being buried on top of each other. Rebecca snapped this picture and it doesn't do the scene justice. The cemetery went in both directions for quite a distance. We also drove by a house which had a funeral this past weekend (evidenced by the big tent in their yard). This is a common occurrence.

While out on our tour, we stopped by a private school. The children recognized Tony and came up to give him high fives. They also liked it when Rebecca and I would take their pictures so they could then see what they looked like in the screen. Also, at the cemetery, a few children hollered for us to take their picture.

For the rest of the day, we met with a few individuals at the Community Center, as well as at Brown's Farm Clinic nearby. It was interesting to hear the perspectives of those who serve this community and their stories as to why they do what they do. All had great passion for their work and echoed over and over again that you can't know how to serve a community until you see it's great need. Zetu, the director of the clinic, commented on how an emerging need in the community is for assistance provided to families who have lost both parents. Many children grow up in households with only their mother and many have mothers now dying from AIDS and tuberculosis. In fact, Zetu said that 1 in 4 people in this community are HIV positive and 70% of those people also have tuberculosis.

To be honest, before I can write more about my first township experience, I need more time to process it. I don't quite know how to make sense of it or making meaning of what I saw and experienced today in the paradigm of what I know as day-to-day life. I am very happy that we have the chance to visit this community again several times this week so I can understand more about their perspective on the world around them and begin to make some sense for myself about the privileges and opportunities that are obviously lacking for them and were handed to me without me giving a second thought to be thankful for them.

As jet lag set in, Tony drove us back to the Lodge. That is when my WAG (White American Guilt) started to settle in. We had the opportunity to leave the township, lay in a nice bed with a down comforter, sit for a second by the pool in the breeze. I don't know how to now feel guilty about that. Maybe guilt is a good feeling, or at least an easy feeling to have.

After dinner tonight, we walked around the Promenade area by our place and snapped some photos. Again, a far cry from where we spent our day, but a mere 15 minutes away. As Spiwo, one of the other people talked with said today, Cape Town might as well be New York to the people of Guguletu because they feel just about as much a part of something a few miles away as they do halfway around the world....and I thought apartheid ended over a decade ago.

Here's a few nice pictures from our walk tonight. I wish I could upload more but they take forever! More to come....

We made it!!

2007-11-18T13:54:00.000-08:00

We are here in Cape Town. The plane rides were definitely looooonggggg, but I kinda got used to it by the end. I watched 7 movies between the two flights (first to amsterdam from minnneapolis, and then amsterdam to Cape Town...a total of 20 hours of flying).

The city was dark as we were driven to our Lodge, but I am already excited by what I saw. The Lodge we are staying at is very peaceful and accommodating.

More to come tomorrow....just wanted to let you know we were here!

What are we doing while we're there?

2007-11-17T06:18:00.000-08:00

A couple of people have asked me exactly what we're doing while we're in Cape Town. Mostly, it is meeting with different people who work in centers/businesses/clinics that assist those who are HIV +. South Africa has the highest rate of HIV infection in the world. The people we are meeting with:

--Laurie Gaum, ex-minister of the Dutch Reformed Church
--Rev. Dr. Spiwo Xapile, leader of the Zwane Training and Development Center
--Zethu Xapile, Facility Manager of Brown's Farm Clinic and leader of the Zwane HIV/AIDS support group
--Nombeko Mpongo, HIV/AIDS educator for the city of Cape Town
--Nomazizi Pasiwe, Social Worker with St. Luke's Hospice Program
--Fr. Michael Lapsley, Institute for Healing and Memories
--Kenneth, Coordinator of Community Programs for the Institute of Justice and Reconciliation
--Ouma Mpela, Resident Director for InterStudy Cape Town

In addition, we'll participate in a couple of activities in the Guguletu community:
--Participate in an HIV Support Group that supports approx. 100 people who meet weekly to support each other, receive training and nutrition services
--Food Parcel delivery, a monthly program that provides emergency food aid for 50 people sponsored by Spar, a local grocer
--We will stay overnight in Guguletu for one night with a woman named Titi as our host
--Visit Monkeybiz, a local business that provides jobs to women in the township, as well as AIDS/HIV support and meal service

In our spare time, we plan to visit the Cape of Good Hope Nature Reserve, Table Mountain, and as many sites and markets as we can!

Time to finish packing! I'll try to write as soon as we get to our place in Cape Town (around 11 Sunday night....3 p.m. Minnesota time).

The purpose of a suitcase

2007-11-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

I never really put too much thought into the subject before, but I'm curious to learn just how much purpose a suitcase can have.

As part of our trip tomorrow, we were asked to take an extra suitcase in addition to one with my own clothes and such in it that would include supplies of some sort for members of the community in the township of Guguletu outside of Cape town. For my suitcase, I chose to collect medical supplies.

As you can see above, the people around me really answered the call for medical supplies. From bandaids to condoms to medical tape to tylenol, the items will go directly to heath clinics and families in that community to treat illness. 246 items from 25 people.

So I guess a suitcase really can be more than what it seems some times. I thank the following people for making a difference in the health of the citizens of Guguletu:

June Nobbe
Dives Diaves
Maggie Aftahi
Jeff and Vivian Fink
Erin Cohen
Elisa Becker
Sarah Azar
Glenn Hirsch
Jo Poncelet
Bethany Hamm
Jessica Schetter
Shelly Sunderlin
Katie Jurgenson
Laurie Blank
Katie Mochoruk
Christen Christopherson
Larisa Breid
Nicole Medvec
Nick Berg
Amelious Whyte
Rich Huelskamp
Maggie Kalda
Jalisa Klein
Peggy Talbot

Much more to come! Taking off in less than 24 hours...